The Last Time We Were Us Read Online Free PDF Page B

she turns to me, looks up from beneath her chestnut bangs.
    “Miss Liz, do you have a boyfriend?”
    My smile falls flat before I can stop it, but I quickly pull it together for her.
    “No,” I say, voice light and jovial as the tulle on her skirt. She has no clue how much I wish the answer was “yes,” how much easier things would be if Innis worked like that.
    Only a month or so ago, I thought he did. Innis and I had been flirting in chem for a few weeks at least, and we ran into each other at a graduation party. We were dancing, kissing, right in the room full of everyone. I hadn’t even had anything to drink, though I could taste that he had, and I naively assumed that this all meant something—that the next day I’d get a text from him, asking me out properly. Instead, I didn’t see him for two weeks. Would he have even invited us over if not for the foolproof fakes?
    I know now there’s a lot more than a stone’s throw between Innis Taylor’s girl du jour and Innis Taylor’s girlfriend.
    Mary Ryan just stares at me, puzzled.
    I pinch her nose. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
    “Gross.” She scrunches up her face. “No way.”
    “Well, there you go,” I say. “No boyfriends here. Unless Sadie has one hidden away.”
    Sadie giggles right on cue, almost as if she knows I’m trying to be funny.
    Mary Ryan sighs, looking at me with her big brown eyes. “You’re pretty.”
    Sadie tries to push a square block through a round hole. Finally, she gives up, sticks the block in her mouth, drool running down her chin.
    I pull her onto my lap, confiscate the block, and wipe her mouth with the rag I always keep handy. She pops her thumb in her mouth as soon as the block’s gone. Mrs. Ellison has told me not to let her do that, along with a whole list of “goals” I’m supposed to focus on during my time with the girls, but I’m a babysitter, not some kind of child behavior specialist.
    “Thanks,” I say. “You’re very pretty, too.”
    “I thought you’d have a boyfriend. That’s how you know if someone’s pretty, right, if they have a boyfriend? My dad says pretty girls like my mom always have boyfriends.”
    My first thought is how much I want to smack Mr. Ellison. And my second? What if he’s right, at least a little bit? Lyla had a total of five boyfriends in the year between breaking up with Skip and meeting Benny. That’s a boy band. And not one of them was a boyfriend prospect , a casual hangout, or a hookup. They were boyfriends through and through, from the way she introduced them to friends and family to her not-so-subtle updates via social media.
    But not me. I’d die of embarrassment if Innis knew I hadn’t kissed anyone before him. I didn’t even tell MacKenzie.
    I run my hands through Sadie’s hair. I know that by the standards of the world—or of North Carolina high school, at least—I am pretty. Very. The most popular guy in school does not routinely make out with girls who aren’t.
    But if I were a little more something , would I already be touring the inside of Crawford Hall?
    “Your mom is beautiful,” I say finally. “But having a boyfriend doesn’t make you pretty or special or anything like that.”
    Mary Ryan nods as she messes with her puffy princess sleeves. Then she looks up again. “Do you think I’m pretty enough to have a boyfriend?”
    My heart aches then, because she is so young, and already she’s worried about landing a guy. Sometimes it feels like the only requirement of being a girl is to prove to the world that somebody out there is willing to claim you as theirs.
    “Miss Liz?” she asks.
    I want to teach her that the whole boyfriend thing isn’t important, that you can be your fabulous self and that’s all you need.
    But I worry that if I don’t tell her what she wants to hear, I’ll hurt her.
    I pull Mary Ryan onto my other knee as Sadie leans in closer. “You, my dear, are so beautiful, you’ll have so many boyfriends you won’t know what