The Last Horror Novel in the History of the World Read Online Free PDF

all the way,” says Blue. “But more than I ain’t I guess.”
    Old Burt looks for a Mexican coke that’s not cracked against the tiles.
    Tyler has a Boone’s Farm.
    Manny drinks Tecate.
    Mindy has a Miller.
    Tim has half V8 half Budweiser.
    Tessa has a Boone’s Farm.
    Rob Cooder eats a powdered donut. “What do you think caused it?” Rob asks, chewing as he talks, white sugar on his lips.
    “Shit,” says Old Burt, “you didn’t see?”
    “See what?” asks Blue.
    “The woman,” says Tessa, “the kids.”
    “What woman?” asks Tim, “what kids?”
    “These hicks is oblivious,” says Mindy, “Couldn’t find their cocks unless they caught crabs and had to scratch.”
    “Says you?” asks Blue, and the room goes awkward, because everyone knows.
    Then Manny, “La Llorona.”
    “La what?” asks Rob.
    “The woman,” says Burt, and he eyes an undamaged Coke, plucks it from the ground and pries the top off with his lighter. The bottle bleeds suds, but he sucks them from the mouth of it, then says, “dressed in white,” he takes another sip, “the thing that was screaming,” he nods, “an unnatural noise.” 
    “Yeah,” says Blue, “we heard it.”
    “So loud, stole my ears,” says Tim.
    “That was it,” says Tyler.
    “And that wasn’t all,” says Old Burt, “she had all these zombie kids with her?”
    “Brain eaters?” asks Blue.
    “Nah,” says Burt, “that was the odd thing,” he laughs, “well the odd thing besides all of it,” he sips his Coke again, “they didn’t eat brains or nothing. Just walked out into the bay.” Burt motions with his Coke bottle toward the water.
    Rob Cooder finishes his donut and takes a flask from his pocket. He screws the flip lid on it, sucks a sip, offers the thing toward Burt, “Wanna spike?” he asks.
    “Shit,” says Burt, “I’ve had all the spikes I’ll ever need.” He pulls a chain on his neck and a medallion draws up from behind his shirt, and he lets it dangle for Cooder to see. It’s a circle with a triangle in the middle.
    “What’s that?” asks Rob.
    “AA,” says Mindy. “Burt don’t drink.”
    “Nothing harder than cola,” Old Burt agrees. “Not for a dozen years.”
    “Shit,” says Blue, “what’s the point of that,” and he chugs at his HG.
    Old Burt nods at Blue, “I used the think the same,” he says.
    Then Tyler says, “Hey. Y’all seen anybody else?”
    Every eye in the room looks at him.
    “Huh?” asks Tessa.
    “Well,” says Tyler. “There’s us, right, but the whole time we were shooting, didn’t no one else come out their house. Seems odd.”
    “Shooting,” says Blue, “at what?”
    “The kids,” says Manny.
    “Why?” asks Blue, “I thought they weren’t doing nothing.”
    Old Burt looks at Manny, and Manny looks at Tyler, and the three look at each other.
    “It was complicated,” says Old Burt.
    “Yeah,” says Manny.
    “You had to be there,” adds Tyler.
    “We should go looking,” says Mindy, then the room looks at Mindy. Mindy shakes her head, “For others, you dumb shits,” and then everyone nods.
    “I’m down,” says Blue, “but we should take a cooler.”
    “Why?” asks Tessa.
     “Don’t know what else is out there,” Blue says, “and if I gotta die, I’m dying drunk.”
    Most others agree with him. Only Old Burt shakes his head disapprovingly, “Rock bottom waits for all drinkers,” he says.
    “Don’t be such a fucking buzz kill,” says Mindy.
    Then Tyler says, “And a hypocrite,” says Tyler.
    “Hypocrite?” says Old Burt. “I ain’t drank in twelve years.”
    “No,” says Tyler, “but you got blunted earlier.”
    Old Burt laughs. “Smoking ain’t drinking,” he says, “marijuana maintenance, we call it. Not everyone in the program’s down, but, it’s like the coins say, ‘to thine own self be true.’”
    “Exactly,” says Blue as he puts beer in a Styrofoam cooler.