The Ladies' Room Read Online Free PDF Page B

door to a blast of summer heat. If the end of May
felt like this, then what would July and August be like with no
air-conditioning?
    I marched stoically across the unkempt yard and had barely reached the porch when everything began to look like the special effects in a movie running in slow motion. I'd fainted one
time in my life, back when I was first pregnant with my daughter,
so I recognized the symptoms. I eased down onto the porch steps
and put my head between my legs. It was midafternoon, and
I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I'd gotten rid of the coffee, soft
drinks, and my ignorance in the ladies' room at the church.

    When I raised my head, Billy Lee Tucker was sitting beside me.
    "Still moving in here sometime in the future?"
    "I'm moving in right now, and I hope she's got a can of soup
in the pantry, because I'm hungry."
    "When are the movers bringing your things?"
    "No movers. I've got a purse and a bunch of papers in the
car, and that's it."
    He raised an eyebrow and held out his hand. "Here's keys to
the place and her car. I was going to bring them out to your
house this evening, but I saw you drive up, so I came on over.
You all right? You're as white as a ghost"
    "I'm just hungry. Thanks for bringing over the keys. This
house is a mess, isn't it?"
    "It is right now, but it won't be for long. I've been hired to
redo the house from top to bottom if you decide to move into
it, so I suppose we'll be working together real soon," he said.
    "Who hired you?" I asked.
    "Gert. Gave me an envelope I was to open only after she
died. She said I was to remodel this place if you moved in. If
you didn't, then I could count on getting what was inside as
my inheritance for being her favorite neighbor."
    "Well, thank you" I found enough strength to get up and
cross the front porch. I had to keep my body and soul together
long enough to spit in Drew's eye and get even with my two
cousins.
    He followed me to the door. "Foundation is good. House
was built right in the beginning. It's got the potential to be a
real beauty"
- -- -- - -- --- -- - - - -
    Inviting him inside would be stretching my depleted supply
of manners entirely too far. Being nice had netted me misery beyond description. Besides, I'd already been nice enough to
leave my cousins alive that day. Plus the prissy little bimbo
down at the bank still had all her blond hair and not a mark on
her face. That was enough "nice" for one day.

    I stopped at the door. "I'm glad to hear it, Billy Lee. Come
around in a few days, when I've had a chance to think, and
we'll talk about it."
    He nodded. "My phone number is on the refrigerator. Let
me know when you want me to go to work. I'll outline what
I've got in mind for the exterior. I think we can make this look
like it did in its heyday. I'm glad to have you for a neighbor,
Trudy"
    He whistled as he left. I wanted to slap him. No one should
be happy when my world was in shambles.
    Not one thing had changed since the last time I'd walked
through the front door of Aunt Gert's house. Every square inch
of the place was covered in mismatched furniture and cheap
collectibles. Every table sported a lamp sitting on a crocheted
doily. None of the lamps were plugged in, because there were
very few electrical outlets. Ceramic ducks, cows, and lots and
lots of birds surrounded the lamps. Chairs and sofas had mismatched hand towels pinned to the backs and washcloths on
the arms.
    I walked right past it all without even a shudder. Whoever
said that a person, especially an overweight one, could live for
weeks with no food had rocks for brains. I was about to join
the ranks of the recently departed if I didn't find something to
put into my mouth. When I reached the kitchen, I was amazed
at the contents of the refrigerator. Milk, still inside the expiration date. Lunch meat. A whole loaf of bread. Lettuce.
Tomatoes. Cheese. Real mayonnaise that was even my favorite brand.
    I made a sandwich, devoured