The Kruton Interface Read Online Free PDF

job on the bridge, Lieutenant? For that matter, how did you make lieutenant?”
    “I made an admiral,” Darvona said simply.
    “I… Oh.” Wanker offered up an almost inaudible groan. “Well, at least you’re honest about it. Let’s see… Oops. Disciplinary actions aplenty.. ‘Fraternizing with enlisted personnel’… ’Fraternizing with enlisted personnel’.. .” Wanker did a take. His eyebrows arched. “Fraternizing with Space Base 27? Well, Ms. Roundheels, you certainly do have democratic principles, that I’ll say for you.”
    Rhodes interjected, “Captain, Ms. Roundheels comes from a culture with very liberal sexual mores.”
    “And where is that?” Wanker was eager to know.
    Darvona broke in, “Altair Six, sir!”
    Rhodes added, “A utopian religious colony.”
    Wanker nodded. “I see.” He risked a guess. “Mennonites?”
    “No, sir. The Madonnaites.”
    “Oh, yes, I’ve heard of them. Something about worshiping an obscure popular entertainer of the late twentieth century?”
    “Well, there are a number of those kinds of sects, sir,” Rhodes said. “You have your Lennonites and your Morrison Dancers. Then you have, I believe, the Elvisterians. There are a few more.”
    Wanker made a disapproving face. “Strange, don’t you think? Worshiping ancient song-and-dance acts. Something odd about that.”
    “I don’t like to put down other people’s religious beliefs, sir,” Rhodes said with inflated solemnity.
    Wanker shrugged. “Oh, well, of course, don’t want to do that. I didn’t mean anything by it, Ms. Roundheels.”
    “No offense taken, sir!”
    “Still, I don’t think it quite proper to kiss one’s commanding officer.”
    Rhodes said, “Lieutenant Roundheels’s people have a fervent religious belief in the universal sharing of free love. The lieutenant is … uh, especially pious in this regard.”
    Wanker glanced over her record. “I can see she’s been busy proselytizing.”
    “Spreading the faith, sir,” Darvona offered.
    Wanker smiled thinly. “Or, to put it another way, busting bedsprings from Betelgeuse to Beta Crucis Four.”
    Darvona winced. “All due respect, sir, but I beg to differ with your phrasing.”
    Wanker went on, “At any rate, none of that explains an efficiency rating of… oh, this is priceless. 0.00001. Lieutenant, what do you have to say for yourself?”
    Roundheels piped, “Medical problems, sir!”
    Rhodes said, “Yes, Captain. The lieutenant suffers from chronic Epstein-Barr disease.”
    Wanker narrowed one eye, puzzled and suspicious. “Another twentieth-century phenomenon?”
    Roundheels said, “But I have the latest mutant strain, sir. It’s ten times worse.”
    “Mutant strain?” Wanker asked, strictly out of morbid curiosity.
    “Yes, sir. Not only do you feel tired all the time, you also get fat, lazy, and stupid.”
    “And you are presenting all the symptoms. Well, I must say we’re forging into uncharted realms of personnel file, here. Who’s up next?”
    Rhodes announced: “Name: Svensen B. Svensen. Rank: ensign. Assignment: orbital mechanic.”
    “Svensen. I suppose the problem will correct itself when you move up in rank, but for now, forgive me for saying this, Mr. Svensen, but that’s a most unfortunate name for an ensign to have.”
    Svensen said dourly, “It gets worse, sir.”
    Wanker looked at the roster. “Worse? … Ohmigod. Middle name, Benson. I don’t believe it.”
    “My mother’s family name, sir. Properly speaking, the two names should be hyphenated.”
    “Hyphenated? You mean, you’re really… ” Wanker’s mouth crinkled dyspeptically. “Ensign Svensen Benson-Svensen?”
    “I’m afraid so, sir.”
    Wanker dumped the clipboard on Rhodes and threw up his hands in despair. “This is going to be a disaster! This has to be the worst crew of foul balls this side of the Lesser Magellanic Cloud!”
    Rhodes was quick to say, “Captain, it’s not as bad as you think.”
    “Just how bad do you