he built himself in a completely isolated place. He retired there to delve into his despair: to intensify his mental and moral distress, but also to stimulate his intellect and reflect on the necessity of art and love and also on the hostility of the world toward those necessities.
The book I had first thought to take with me to my German cabin concerned precisely the joy of art when it revealed its essential seriousness (not about the world, but entirely about art). In the end, I left this book in Barcelona and brought Camilo José Cela’s
Journey to the Alcarria
instead. It was an outlandish choice, because of the contrast I’d found between the modernity and sophistication of Kassel and the belfries and terrible cripples of the world of my compatriot Cela. But I wanted to take a book that told of a journey so different from my own, and that one met my criteria.
At the last moment, I also stuck a copy of Rüdiger Safranski’s
Romanticism: An Odyssey of the German Spirit
into my luggage. Ever since I read it for the first time, I’ve always enjoyed going back to read fragments in which the author explained Nietzsche’s world, how Nietzsche thought it necessary to live without illusions, and at the same time, in spite of having discovered life’s great futility, to be passionately fond of it.
Romanticism
always allowed me to return to a phrase of Nietzsche’s that over time had become one of my convictions: “Only as aesthetic phenomena are existence and the world eternally justified.”
8
“Make sure you see the works of Tino Sehgal, Pierre Huyghe, and Janet Cardiff. I’m told they’ve outdone themselves.” Alicia Framis, an artist friend drawn to avant-garde ideas, wrote this to me three days before I’d be leaving for Kassel. I’d never heard the names she mentioned, but understood they must be artists that might be of interest to me, and would provide me with something of which I really was entirely ignorant. (This made me enthusiastic about traveling to Germany to enter that universe.)
“William Kentridge’s project
The Refusal of Time
in a warehouse at the old station is worth seeing,” another friend wrote just a couple of hours after Alicia Framis’s email. And a good friend from Getafe sent me, at the end of the day, a message commenting on how interesting she’d found “Mark Dion’s stunning library, and, most of all, an oblique clock by an Albanian sculptor.”
To convince myself that it was going to be a really great trip, I began to think that there was common ground between the great expeditions of yesteryear and the solitary one I was embarking on with my sights set on Kassel. There lay the danger, an indispensable element of any worthwhile journey. Because danger, I told myself, always brings the pleasure of feeling fear. And fear is fantastic, especially fear at the prospect of finding oneself faced with strange, unfamiliar things, maybe even new ones.
All good journeys incorporate the infinite pleasure and great excitement that moments of great fear also produce. I began to think about this and felt excited from the moment I sensed that I was traveling to Kassel with a unique sensation: an intense and maybe terrifying pleasure similar to what I felt one night casually heading down a dark alley completely unknown to me. There, I suddenly noticed a breath on the back of my neck, dry but phantasmagoric, because I spun around and there was no one there. Knowing I was actually alone in that alley, I kept walking, but found it impossible to act like I hadn’t noticed; it was impossible to overlook the fact that the ghostly breathing was still there: cold, icy, rasping, discreet. How to describe it better? There was nobody there, but it felt like someone, with noticeable regularity, was huffing, and his glacial breath, in a very odd way, God knows, was landing directly on the back of my neck.
9
Two days before leaving for Documenta, I went, as I did every Sunday morning, to
Johnny Shaw, Matthew Funk, Gary Phillips, Christopher Blair, Cameron Ashley