The Hit List Read Online Free PDF

but the cold air is a shock to my lungs and my chest tightens. Small gasps are the only thing I can manage until my lungs adjust. Tears freeze at the corner of my eyes, tightening the skin around them. My eyelashes clump together .
    Brielle frowns at me in worry, but no one else seems to notice my current meltdown. People chat around me as they stretch out their muscles in a cool down.
    “Are you okay? You look like you’re going to hyperventilate,” she whispers.
    “I’m fine.” I slam the cupboard door, but my mom doesn’t even notice. She’s halfway across the apartment by now. It’s not like she really cares anyway .
    I shove the cake mix back onto the shelf. I don’t feel like making it anymore. The whole point had been for her to notice .
    Happy Sixteenth Birthday to me .
    I’m going to die. I can’t breathe. My heart feels like it’s going to explode. The tears aren’t frozen anymore.
    Patrick opens the door, the smile falling from his face. “Why are you here? You know we can’t practice together anymore. I’m not allowed to.”
    He acts like he can’t tell I’m dying inside. Like the last two years didn’t mean everything to my career, everything to me. A permanent stutter has taken up residence in my chest, like my heart is being shocked by everything that’s happened between us over and over again. It reminds me how useless I am as a partner and as a friend. I’ll never get it right .
    I’ll never succeed here, so why am I even trying? It’s useless.
    Brielle grabs my hand and places it in her lap, wrapping her fingers around my forearm directly above my wrist. Her thumb presses hard against my skin and my hand relaxes.
    Patrick’s hand touches mine tentatively, afraid that he’s crossing one of my lines. “You don’t always have to be the strong one.”
    I pull my hand back and let it fall into my lap. “One of us has to be.”
    Partnerships are never good once feelings get involved. It sucks because it’s so hard to keep feelings out of them when you spend all your free time with the same person. And honestly, Patrick is one of the only people I’m okay spending all my free time with .
    His green eyes sparkle from the dim lighting in my favorite restaurant. “Just this once, let it be me. Let me take care of you.”
    “You won’t always be here.” It’s as close as I can get to telling him the real reason .
    People leave all the time without a backward glance .
    “I’ll be here as long as you need me.” He grabs my hand again. This time I don’t pull away .
    “And don’t forget about our fundraiser this Friday. I expect to see you all there. You’re dismissed.” Miss Catherine walks out of the room.
    “Mom?”
    Silence .
    She isn’t here. Again. I don’t know why I’m surprised .
    I check her bedroom just to be sure. It doesn’t look like she slept here last night. Considering I didn’t even get an angry text when I didn’t come home, I’m willing to bet she stayed out too .
    I turn my iPod on and crank the speakers. The music fills the house with noise and takes away the emptiness for a little while .
    I can’t stand the silence .
    Brielle leans closer to me. “Focus on your breathing. Shut out everything else around you.”
    “Breathe through the pain.” Patrick breathes deeply through his nose and out through his mouth .
    Because apparently an injury makes me forget how to breathe .
    “You have no idea what this feels like,” I say through gritted teeth .
    I doubt he’s ever been dropped only to have someone catch him by his leg at the last moment. He doesn’t have a clue .
    I pound my fist into the ground to offset the pain. No one else is in the studio to help. Our teacher went home a long time ago when we first started fighting. I wish she had stayed .
    He grabs my face and I’m forced to look at him. “Focus. You’ll get through this.”
    Brielle’s grip is solid on my arm and I can feel my body begin to relax.
    “I’ve got you. Trust