The Heart is Deceitful above All Things Read Online Free PDF

us. My grandparents, my foster grandparents, live up north, and at Christmas they bring me so much candy that my momma, my foster momma, takes it away and hides it.
    â€˜How do you think I got you back, darlin’?’ She reaches her hand out to ruffle my hair, and I jump. ‘Social worker’s callin’ him up, askin’ him to sign the papers, like you’re some pound dog, just sign you away so some stuck-up sinners can adopt you, steal you forever.’ She fishes in her jeans jacket breast pocket for a cigarette.
    â€˜He’d be damned if he’d let the government steal his blood . . .’ The cigarette flaps in her mouth. ‘Got me a lawyer, paid for my clothes, laid out more for you now than when I squirted you out, he wouldn’t pay for a diaper then, cheap son of a bitch.’ She combs her hair back with her fingers. ‘He said if he has to call out the goddamned Mountaineer Militia, he would. ’Course he didn’t cuss, be a damned sight if he did, tight-assed fucker.’ She tucks the cigarette behind her ear.
    â€˜I feel good, damn.’ She leans over and pats my head again, a little too hard. ‘We’re a good team . . . you an’ me . . . nobody takes what’s mine.’ I yawn suddenly. She reaches into another pocket. ‘You tired? Don’t be tired, I need your company . . . here.’ She hands me a ball of tinfoil. ‘Open that all up . . . be careful.’ I pick the tight ball open to reveal little blue pills. ‘Take one . . . no, no, okay, take one and bite it in half.’
    â€˜Is it medicine?’ I push the pills around the silver. They’re just like the ones in the cabinets, locked above the refrigerator at my old house, not the big chewable ones I get.
    â€˜Yeah, it’s medicine . . . so do what Momma tellsyou––bite half.’ I hold one up to my mouth and bite it. The whole pill crumbles into my mouth, tasting bitter and chalky. My tongue rolls out.
    â€˜No! Swallow it! . . . Swallow!’ Her hand cups my mouth. I taste her palm, salty and dry. Her voice rises. ‘Swallow now, goddamn it!’ I pull my tongue in, forcing the pill slivers to the back of my throat, and swallow. She presses her hand hard against my lips. ‘You swallow?’ I nod. ‘Don’t drop those pills!’ I hold them carefully in the foil in my hand. ‘I’ll take another one myself, I reckon.’ She releases my mouth and takes the pills from me, popping one into her mouth before she balls them up and shoves them into her pocket.
    â€˜See, now you’ll feel good, too.’ She grins and pats my head again.
    â€˜See, I take care of you, tellin’ me I don’t, when I was fourteen maybe I didn’t take care of you right, but then the voices you were throwin’ was enough to drive a bean field Mexican insane.’ She shoves the cigarette from behind her ear into her lips.
    â€˜You was possessed . . .’ She rubs my shoulder and smiles strangely. Pinks are leaking into the pale blues like eye shadow.
    â€˜What was I supposed to do, anyways? You spoke in devils’ tongues, middle of the night, you’d start up, then Satan’s voice . . . Jesus, went to healings for you, not his church, mind you; see, he ain’t want nothin’ to do with you then. You weren’t his grandson then, huh?’
    I yawn again and feel my eyes getting heavy. I wish my Bugs Bunny wasn’t in the trunk.
    â€˜Naw, you ain’t took the pill?’ I nod.
    â€˜You took it?’
    â€˜Yes’m.’ I yawn again.
    â€˜Okay, all right. We got a drive ahead of us, and I’m doin’ this for you, for you, so you ain’t leavin’ me . . .’ She leans over toward me and shakes me hard. ‘Hold on, hold on, it’ll be soon!’ she shouts in my ear.
    I can see the outline of trees along the mountain against the glazed dark blue sky. My eyes start