The Gravity of Us Read Online Free PDF

do without you?” she asks.
    I know the question isn’t exactly rhetorical. At least once a week, she’ll tap on my window, needing an escape from her family. They fight too. Maybe all parents fight, I don’t know. But with Deb’s parents … their fights are always … scarier. More desperate. The echoed sound of a fist breaking through a particleboard door settles in my head.
    They break her heart, and I fix it. That’s how it’s always gone. Whether it’s splitting vegan frozen yogurt at Pinkberry or impromptu slumber parties, fixing her pain—or at least distracting her from it—puts me at ease.
    A shiver runs through my body as the truth breaks through. Sometimes, it feels like the only thing keeping me stable is the shield I put up. Cal the performer is always put together. Cal the friend is always there to fix your problems.
    I try, but I can’t even picture the real Cal. The one without a carefully planned video schedule and content calendar, the one who has a clear vision of his future, the one without anyone to turn to.
    And I especially can’t picture any version of myself in Clear Lake, Texas.
    I rest my head on Deb’s shoulder and fight back the tears. I’m a little more successful this time, so I get the courage to tell her:
    “I’m really going to miss you, Deb.”
    I nod toward the fire escape, and she follows me out there. We take our usual spots, me a few steps higher than her, the wrought iron crisscrossed grate I sit on hurting my ass.The wind is cutting, though it’s a warm day in spring, and my hair is a disaster.
    It’s all perfect.
    The sun’s almost set, but we could be out here all night for all I care.
    “Everything’s going to change,” I say.
    Deb releases a bark of laughter. “Is that so bad?”
    She bites her lip, and her eyes glisten and puff up. I know Deb could use a change. The only reason Deb is okay now is because she’s working the register at Paper Source, which means she can avoid her family for most of the day and night, depending on the shifts she picks up.
    I know she’d run if she could, but that doesn’t make it any better, for either of us. I wish I could bring her along, to have someone with me on this trip who doesn’t drive me mad like Mom and Dad do.
    “It might not be so bad—god, why am I tearing up right now?” She takes a moment to rub each eye with her sleeve. “I’ll visit you, and you’ll come back when you can. You’ll end up back in Brooklyn eventually, for good, don’t you think?”
    “Oh, um, probably.” I hadn’t yet thought about coming back, really, because I never thought about leaving.
    Too much. “It’s too much,” I say.
    “Promise me …” She points to my phone. “Promise me you won’t stop. Keep streaming all your news stories.
    “You know how fickle fans are. If you take a year off, I’m afraid … once you move back here, you won’t have anything left to come back to.”
    She’s right. Her words slap me across the face, waking some fire within me. I have my next decade planned out meticulously. I have the college brochures on my desk, the SAT prep courses scheduled. I knew exactly how I was getting into my career.
    If I leave, even for a year, I could lose so much.
    “I know it’s against the rules or whatever,” she says, “but I say post everything you can until StarWatch pries that phone from your hands.”
    There’s nothing I can do to change NASA’s mind. There’s nothing I can do to stop this move. The only thing I can control is sitting in the palm of my hand.
    A spark of rebellion warms my soul. It’s not the smartest move, and it could get my family in trouble, but maybe Clear Lake, Texas, has a story out there just waiting for me to uncover.

 
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