everywhere it seemed. Tyrell looked into her haggard face and his heart went out to her. He knew she had gone out for a drink or a lift of some sort, probably both, knowing her. But Sonny was all she had. Was all she had ever had. And Sonny had adored her. It was why he had never tried to take him away from her. Sonny had tried in his own way to take care of her always, first and foremost, as she had never been able to take care of herself.
‘Sit down, Jude. Take the weight off, eh?’
She smiled at him, as usual glad of a kind word from this man who had left her because she couldn’t go from one hour to the next without some kind of chemical enhancement.
In fact she didn’t know what the real world felt like any more, it was years since she had faced the day like normal people.
But none of that had bothered Sonny Boy; he had taken care of her as if she was his child instead of the other way round. He was a kind boy, always had been, one who loved his half-brothers dearly. Who had had to live with his mother and her lifestyle because he was frightened to leave her alone. It was the main reason he had skipped school: he had been frightened of what he might come home to if he didn’t watch over her. For years she had speedballed, smoked dope and injected herself with anything she could get her hands on. Jellies were everywhere around the house. She had even injected Mogadons in the past. Oblivion was all Jude craved, and she would crave it even more now.
Tyrell closed his eyes and his heart to the trauma she would experience once the machines were turned off, as turned off they would be.
Sonny, their Sonny, was already gone. It was all about picking up the pieces now, clearing up the mess.
Jude looked at him with haunted eyes. They had once been a dazzling blue, but were so faded now as to be almost colourless.
She turned on him suddenly.
‘You want to turn it off, don’t you? Get rid of him once and for all.’
Tyrell didn’t answer her.
When Jude went into one of her rants he always kept quiet even when he felt like telling her exactly what he thought. She was hurting. Better she took it out on him than the police or the doctors.
She was shaking her head as if she somehow felt enormous pity for him, which of course she didn’t. It was all gestures with Jude when she was out of it. Elaborate gestures she wouldn’t remember twenty-four hours after the event. He could feel her hurt as if it was his own.
He saw her then as she was when he had first laid eyes on her. It was at a party. She was stoned, everybody was, all puffing away and listening to Curtis Mayfield. She still had the same vacant look in her eyes she had had then, only nowadays it troubled him. Where once it had attracted him, now it scared him because he had no idea what she was on and neither did Jude most of the time. Tyrell had sussed her out, that was what hurt her. She knew it and he knew it. He could almost smell her fear.
He wondered if she could smell his.
Tammy walked into the country club as if she was a movie star. She was even wearing sunglasses. She stood for a few seconds in the doorway to make sure everyone saw her before removing them and walking towards the restaurant. She looked good and she knew it. Always immaculate, she had taken extra care with her grooming this morning.
She waved to other friends as she made her way over to the table that held her band of closest cronies. That was what her husband always called them and Tammy protested, but to call them all close friends would have been pushing it, she knew that.
None of this lot would know a friend if they fell out of a tree and hit them on the head. What they all had was something in common: husbands who bankrolled them, a nice life, big houses and top-of-the-range cars. And Tammy was queen of them all because her husband could buy and sell the lot of theirs.
She wore her crown well and
‘Sit down, Jude. Take the weight off, eh?’
She smiled at him, as usual glad of a kind word from this man who had left her because she couldn’t go from one hour to the next without some kind of chemical enhancement.
In fact she didn’t know what the real world felt like any more, it was years since she had faced the day like normal people.
But none of that had bothered Sonny Boy; he had taken care of her as if she was his child instead of the other way round. He was a kind boy, always had been, one who loved his half-brothers dearly. Who had had to live with his mother and her lifestyle because he was frightened to leave her alone. It was the main reason he had skipped school: he had been frightened of what he might come home to if he didn’t watch over her. For years she had speedballed, smoked dope and injected herself with anything she could get her hands on. Jellies were everywhere around the house. She had even injected Mogadons in the past. Oblivion was all Jude craved, and she would crave it even more now.
Tyrell closed his eyes and his heart to the trauma she would experience once the machines were turned off, as turned off they would be.
Sonny, their Sonny, was already gone. It was all about picking up the pieces now, clearing up the mess.
Jude looked at him with haunted eyes. They had once been a dazzling blue, but were so faded now as to be almost colourless.
She turned on him suddenly.
‘You want to turn it off, don’t you? Get rid of him once and for all.’
Tyrell didn’t answer her.
When Jude went into one of her rants he always kept quiet even when he felt like telling her exactly what he thought. She was hurting. Better she took it out on him than the police or the doctors.
She was shaking her head as if she somehow felt enormous pity for him, which of course she didn’t. It was all gestures with Jude when she was out of it. Elaborate gestures she wouldn’t remember twenty-four hours after the event. He could feel her hurt as if it was his own.
He saw her then as she was when he had first laid eyes on her. It was at a party. She was stoned, everybody was, all puffing away and listening to Curtis Mayfield. She still had the same vacant look in her eyes she had had then, only nowadays it troubled him. Where once it had attracted him, now it scared him because he had no idea what she was on and neither did Jude most of the time. Tyrell had sussed her out, that was what hurt her. She knew it and he knew it. He could almost smell her fear.
He wondered if she could smell his.
Tammy walked into the country club as if she was a movie star. She was even wearing sunglasses. She stood for a few seconds in the doorway to make sure everyone saw her before removing them and walking towards the restaurant. She looked good and she knew it. Always immaculate, she had taken extra care with her grooming this morning.
She waved to other friends as she made her way over to the table that held her band of closest cronies. That was what her husband always called them and Tammy protested, but to call them all close friends would have been pushing it, she knew that.
None of this lot would know a friend if they fell out of a tree and hit them on the head. What they all had was something in common: husbands who bankrolled them, a nice life, big houses and top-of-the-range cars. And Tammy was queen of them all because her husband could buy and sell the lot of theirs.
She wore her crown well and
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