The Fat Man Read Online Free PDF Page B

Misfits

    To: Coal Patrol Officers;
Nice List Executive Committee
From: The Office of Charles Cane
Re: Toy Inspection
    I first want to begin by saying that I am deeply humbled to be serving as your leader in our endeavor of providing children of the world holiday joy. We have quite a challenge before us, as Christmas will be here before you know it and, per my appointment, we will not be as strict in denying children toys from their wish list. That means more toys must be built, my wee ones, and I am confident that you are up to the challenge. With this increase in production, it is important that quality does not suffer. Not only will it hinder our ability to fulfill the wish lists of children all over the globe, but we also run the risk of overpopulating Misfit Isle by creating less than perfect playthings. To that end, Santa has asked that I personally inspect all toys before they are delegated to the appropriate child. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter and for your focus on this new holiday campaign. When we celebrate at the Loading of the Sleigh Parade Christmas Eve, you will have accomplished great things.
    T he only way to get to the Island of Misfit Toys was by boat, and the only boat was a slow one, The Scrooge . Tiny Tim was the skipper, so the barge literally limped through the water. I’m not kicking the kid with a crutch; that was Tim’s joke. Not too many ventured out to Misfit Isle and Tiny was starved for company. When he got a passenger for a crossing, Tiny Tim made the most of it. “We’ll limp over to the island as quickly as we can,” he’d say, giving the motor a gasp of fuel. “But Uncle Scrooge doesn’t like me to waste fuel skipping across the water. Costs too much money. I fear a leopard can’t change all of his spots.” Then Tiny would settle in and ask you a million questions, do tricks with his crutch, anything for a little companionship. Tiny Tim was lonely, forgotten except when Christmas needed a sad, saintly cherub to tug at the heartstrings, but then folks moved on. Uncle Eb’s comeuppance was where the scenery got chewed and the gimp tended to slow down the hamming. Tiny Tim was constantly being pushed to the side. Still, he seemed to take it in stride.
    “Gumdrop, it is oh so nice to see you,” Tiny said. “It truly is.”
    “Thanks, kiddo,” I said. “How are you doing, Tiny? How’s the boat business?”
    “Oh, it is splendid!” he said. “As good a job as I could ever hope for, and much more than I deserve. Despite his grumbling, Uncle Scrooge really is very kind to give me this ship to captain.”
    “Seems to me a good kid like you deserves something with a little more dignity,” I said. “You’re the poster child for the Nice List.”
    “You are too kind, Gumdrop,” Tim said. “But I really don’t mind. In fact, with my withered leg and common crutch, I feel a true kinship with the Misfits. They too are crooked and broken, but, on the inside, giving and true of heart. A crust of love’s bread is what we seek. If others are not able to share a crumb, at least we can share it with each other. It is an honor, truly, to do so with my Misfit friends.”
    “Tim, you’re as good as gold.”
    “Now, now, you will make me blush,” Tiny said. “So what brings you out to Misfit Isle?”
    “I was thinking about seeing if they had any room,” I said.
    “Oh, I’m sure they’d be glad for the company, yes indeed,” Tiny said. “But you are perfectly normal. It appears all your appendages are appropriately aligned.”
    “Maybe I just don’t fit in at home,” I said.
    “I am sure you are loved more than you can possibly know.”
    “Always cheering the other guy up, aren’t you Tiny,” I said. “Are there any more of you? Do you ever get mad? Fed up? Ever want to take that stick you’re leaning on and smack someone’s kisser?”
    My little speech embarrassed Tiny. He turned red and stared quietly out at the sea. “You must not think such