morning. The stars would still shine at night. People would eventually stop talking about her. It would be as if she’d never even existed. Robert would move on and meet someone else. Have children and do all the things parents got to do with kids. Simple stuff like watching their first steps and taking them to school. Things most parents took for granted.
What had she done to deserve this? She’d always tried her best. Been good at school. Worked hard. Never been in trouble. It was as if none of these things counted for anything. Victims were victims, irrespective of their worth. It was as if fate somehow conspired to bring them into contact with evil people. A missed bus here, a snapped shoelace there, just to ensure they would be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
A spider crawled across the ceiling, weaving its thread around the lightbulb. Hannah didn’t mind spiders. Some of the girls at the nursing home were terrified of them, but she couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. Spiders were clever. Their webs were so intricately woven. So beautiful on a frosty morning, decorating the hedgerows with dozens of miniature white veils.
She watched the spider working. And then a thought struck her: what if she took the bulb out of the holder and smashed it. She could use it as a weapon. Wait at the top of the steps and strike when the door opened.
Stupid idea. The basement will be pitch black. How you gonna see?
‘I’ll have the light from the kitchen when the door opens.’
You won’t get time to adjust your eyes.
The baby kicked. A sign perhaps?
A warning more like! You’re only a few weeks away from giving birth.
Hannah watched the spider drop away from the bulb and hang a few feet above her face. At least she would have one advantage with this new plan: surprise.
And if you miss?
‘What does it matter? I’m going to die anyway.’
It matters if you end up getting shoved down the basement steps. That’s both you and the baby done for.
Hannah tried not to dwell on that. She rolled over on the airbed and pushed herself up into a kneeling position. She backed onto the concrete floor and forced herself to stand. Her swollen ankles throbbed. The bottom of her back ached from the weight of the baby pulling her forward.
Don’t tell me you’re going to go ahead with this stupid idea?
Hannah arched her back. She kicked the airbed out of the way to allow access to the bulb. She then walked over to a small wooden table with a microwave oven sitting on top of it. The table didn’t sit too well on the uneven concrete floor, but it would probably be strong enough to support her weight.
And if you lose your balance?
Hannah laughed. A tiny sound gobbled up by the empty basement. ‘I’m about to lose everything. Losing my balance is the least of my worries.’
The baby moved again, as if to remind her what was at stake. She imagined him rolling over and sucking his thumb, oblivious to the hell he was about to be born into. She crawled under the table and unplugged the microwave. She then struggled back to her feet, put the microwave on the floor, and dragged the table across the basement, positioning it directly beneath the bulb.
How are you going to take the bulb out? It will be red hot.
There was a hand towel draped over a metal rail leading up the basement steps. It was for drying herself on when she was afforded the occasional luxury of a bucket of warm water and a bar of soap to wash with. She fetched it and climbed onto the table. It took several attempts to release the bulb. Apart from being hot, the damn thing was slippery. To make matters worse, she had to grip the holder at the same time as the bulb to stop the whole thing turning around.
Finally, the bulb popped from the bayonet holder. Darkness consumed the basement. The table no longer had edges. There was nothing for her to gauge distance with. No walls, no celling, no floor. She wrapped the bulb in the towel and dropped it onto the
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