The Encyclopedia of Me Read Online Free PDF

never been. A house that I purposely
avoided
! Because whether they knew it or not, the people who owned that house ALSO owned the Tree of Unknown Species.
My
tree. (Which was technically theirs, even though it was closer to my house than theirs.)
    Ringing their doorbell was tantamount to saying, “HELLO, WE WOULD LIKE TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT WE EXIST! AND WE LIKE TO TRESPASS IN YOUR TREE!” I would never do that!
    â€œDon’t ring the bell!” I shouted.
    She didn’t answer. But in about thirty seconds, she ran back to me with two skateboards under her arms, like a bad guy making a getaway, except she was laughing her head off. 29
    â€œLet’s go!” she said. “It’s an adventure. Adventure Number 308 in the Famous Adventures of Freddie Blue and You!”
    â€œUm,” I said. “Whose boards are those?”
    â€œSome blue-haired kid’s,” she said. “Borrowed them. Don’t worry about it.”
    â€œFreddie Blue,” I said. “I am worried about it. Did you ask? You didn’t have time! Did you even ring the bell? You don’t just borrow someone’s skateboard. That’s like borrowing their . . . socks. And really is it ‘borrowing’ if you don’t ask?”
    â€œHow is it like borrowing their socks?” she said. “It’s totally different. You don’t wear a skateboard on your feet. Borrowing socks would be like borrowing underwear. Hey, socks are the underwear of your feet! You can put that in your encyclopedia if you want, but give me cred, OK?”
    â€œIt’s not that kind of book,” I said. “It’s . . . deep.”
    She snorted. “Oh, sorry. Anyway,” she said, “don’t worry about it, OK? Just do it. You steal their tree all the time, this is the same thing.”
    â€œYou can’t steal a TREE,” I said. “It’s attached to the ground. I just . . . borrow it.”
    â€œSo we are just BORROWING these!” she said triumphantly. “Now let’s do it!”
    â€œFreddie,” I said. “Do what? What are we
doing
?”
    â€œWe’re going there,” she said, pointing down the hill.
    I stared.
    â€œDon’t think like that,” said Freddie. “You have to believe in, like, the power of positive thinking. You won’t hurt yourself if you don’t THINK you’ll hurt yourself. It’s all up here.” She tapped her head knowingly.
    â€œFreddie,” I said. “You are being obnoxious. And ridiculous. I was thinking ‘I’ve always wanted to try skateboarding, but maybe skateboarding down a steep hill on a stolen board is a dumb place to start.’”
    â€œBorrowed,” she hissed. “Don’t be a coward.”
    Freddie Blue tossed her hair and dropped her board. It slid three feet and rolled onto a lawn. She put it back on the sidewalk and stared at it with grave determination. I hoped she didn’t hurt herself too badly, but I really couldn’t help her. I knew I was going to be OK, thanks to my talent at snowboarding, which was virtually the same thing. Probably. Or at least, it looked similar. I put my foot on my board and waited for it to feel right.
    Then I lifted my other foot of the ground to push off.
    But something was wrong.
    And that something was that I was on a hill.
    And I was facing the wrong way.
    But luckily I have excellent balance!
    Unluckily, this meant I stayed on all the way to the bottom of the hill!
    Where I shot out into traffic! And was almost killed! By a bus!
    And then I hit the railroad track and was catapulted skyward at great speed, landing jarringly on the sidewalk! On my head!
    My
head
!
    â€œOMG,” said Freddie Blue, jogging to a stop beside me. I noticed she was not using her skateboard. Typical. “You’re bleeding! That’s so gross! Call the paramedics! 911! 911! Why didn’t you put on this helmet?” She thrust an