The Dedalus Book of German Decadence Read Online Free PDF Page B

about, I only remember kissing her feet – and then I picked up one of them and placed it on my neck. But she swiftly and angrily drew it back, and rose to her feet. ‘If you love me, Severin,’ she said quickly, and her voice sounded sharp, peremptory – ‘if you love me, then do not speak of such things again. Do you understand me? Never. Or I might –’ She smiled and sat down again.
    ‘I am absolutely serious,’ I cried, almost hallucinating. ‘I adore you so much that I would suffer everything at you hands for the sake of spending my whole life at your side.’
    ‘Severin, I warn you once more.’
    ‘Your warning is in vain. Do whatever you want with me, but don’t push me away completely.’
    ‘Severin,’ Wanda replied. ‘I am a frivolous young woman and it’s dangerous for you to give yourself to me completely. You will finally become my plaything and who would protect you if I abuse your insane ideas?’
    ‘Your nobility would.’
    ‘Power makes us arrogant.’
    ‘Be arrogant, then!’ I cried, ‘Kick me!’
    Wanda folded her arms above my neck, gazed into my eyes and shook her head. ‘I fear I may not be able to do it, but I’ll try, for your sake, for I love you Severin more than I have ever loved a man before.’

    *        *        *        *
    Today she suddenly took up her hat and scarf and bade me follow her to the market. She inspected a selection of whips, long whips on a short handle, used in dog training.
    ‘These should do,’ said the vendor.
    ‘No, they’re much too small,’ said Wanda, casting a sideways glance in my direction. ‘I need a big one.’
    ‘Perhaps for a bulldog?’
    ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘the sort they have in Russia for recalcitrant slaves.’
    She looked at what was on offer and finally chose a whip which made me feel rather uncomfortable.
    ‘Well, adieu Severin,’ she said, ‘I’ve got to make certain purchases where you may not accompany me.’
    I took my leave and went for a walk; on the way back I saw Wands coming out of a furrier’s shop. She called me to her.
    ‘Consider this,’ she said contentedly. ‘I’ve never made a secret out of the fact that it was your deep, contemplative nature that captivated me so; it now appeals to me to see this earnest suitor completely in my power, writhing in ecstasy at my feet, but how long will this last? A woman loves a man; she ill-treats her slave and finally kicks him away with her foot.’
    ‘Well, kick me away with you foot when you have tired of me,’ I responded. ‘I want to be your slave.’
    ‘I see that there are dangerous tendencies within me,’ said Wanda after we had walked a few paces. ‘You have awakened them, and it will not be to your advantage. You understand how to awaken hedonism and cruelty; you portray pride in such glowing colours  …  What would you say if I embarked on this and if I started on you, like Dionys who roasted the inventor of the Iron Ox in his own creation to find out whether his roaring and his death-rattle really did sound like the lowing of an ox. Perhaps I’m a female Dionys?’
    ‘Be it so!’ I cried. ‘Then my imaginings will have come true! I belong to you, for good or ill – you must chose. The destiny within my breast drives me onwards, demon-like, over-powering  …’

    *        *        *        *
    ‘My dear Severin,
    I do not wish to see you today, nor tomorrow, and only in the evening of the day after that – and then as my slave.
    Your mistress,
    Wanda.’

    ‘As my slave,’ was underlined. I read the note again (it had come early in the morning), I had a donkey saddled and rode into the mountains in order to still my passion, my longing, in the splendours of the Carpathians.
    Then I returned, hungry, tired, thirsty, and above all infatuated. I quickly got changed, and a few minutes later was knocking on her door.
    ‘Enter!’
    I went in. She was standing in the middle of the room,