The Dear One Read Online Free PDF Page B

soft and rich against the quiet. Together we made our way past the silent tombstones, toward home.
    Walking back from my grandmother’s funeral in the white dress I vowed never to wear again, I was silent. Ma and my father walked far apart from each other. I stopped a little away from where the car waited for us and turned toward the grave.
    â€œAre you okay?” Ma asked, bending down to wipe my eyes. “Blow,” she said, holding a white handkerchief firmly to my nose.
    Hundreds of people were around us. The women patted Ma and stared sadly down at me. All of them wore black. Only Ma looked strong.
    Now, leaning back against the firm pillows, I sighed. Grandma had been dead a long time. Soon, I knew, I’d have to begin to let go.

Six
    NEAR DAWN I MADE MY WAY TO MA’S ROOM AND climbed into bed beside her. Sleepily, she reached over to hug me and slowly realized I was there.
    â€œDid you have a bad dream?” she asked groggily.
    â€œI dreamed about Rebecca. I dreamed she was having the baby in the house and nobody was home but me. I was scared, Ma.”
    Ma pulled me closer to her. “Are you worried, Feni?”
    I nodded into the darkness. “I’m scared to have a pregnant girl here. She’s only three years older than me!”
    â€œI know, sweetheart,” Ma said, her voice growing clearer. “I wanted to talk to you about that tonight, but we got so lost in everything else.”
    â€œYou wanted to talk about Rebecca’s baby?”
    â€œUh-uh. I wanted to talk about boys and love and getting pregnant so young.”
    I felt my face grow hot. “I don’t even have a boyfriend.”
    â€œThank God you don’t. I’d have to go upside his head with a frying pan!”
    â€œBoys are so dumb sometimes.”
    â€œI’m glad you still think that way.”
    â€œBut Ma . . . ?”
    â€œHmmm . . . ?”
    â€œWhy do you think that happened to Rebecca? I mean, she’s so young and everything.”
    Ma groaned into sitting position. “It scares me a little how much Rebecca’s life is following Clair’s. It’s not exactly the same, Clair having some college behind her and all, but I’m sure Rebecca didn’t want this to happen. I don’t know Rebecca anymore. The Rebecca I knew was small and shy.”
    â€œThe one I remember was mean and bossy. You sure we’re talking about the same person?”
    Ma laughed. “I’m sure.”
    â€œYou think Rebecca and her boyfriend love each other?”
    Ma thought for a moment. “I think sometimes girls are looking for love when they get pregnant. They need love or maybe they want something real to love. And at the time a baby seems to be the perfect thing. I hope you never feel that way, Feni.”
    â€œDoes it just happen, Ma? Do you wake up one day and feel like there’s not enough love in your life and then you go out and find a boyfriend and—”
    â€œSex is a lot more serious than that, Feni. There’s love first. Then you start feeling like you’ll burst if you can’t kiss the person. Then you want to touch each other. Then you want sex. But love should come way before that.”
    â€œWhat if you just think you love the person?”
    Ma pulled me closer to her and brushed the hair away from my face. “You have to be sure. You have to really know the person you’re with. I mean, with AIDS and everything else going around, you have to be able to talk to your lover about their past. About their sex life. It’s hard to have a conversation like that with someone you just think you love. But don’t worry,” she said, giving me a shake. “You’ll know when you’re sure.”
    â€œIt all seems like it’s way in the future, Ma. Like I’m watching it on a big-screen TV and it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
    â€œThat’s the perfect place for it,” Ma said.