The Cradle in the Grave Read Online Free PDF Page B

You don’t want to be Creative Director? Then why don’t you make Maya’s day: tell her you want out of the deal, and watch her lose any respect for you that she ever had.’
    â€˜The deal ?’ I am bloody well not in the wrong here. ‘You mean the deal I wasn’t party to, the one that involves my life and career?’
    â€˜You’ll never be offered anything again,’ Laurie sneers. ‘Not at Binary Star, not anywhere. How long do you think it’ll be before you’re standing behind Tamsin in the dole queue?’
    Mercury, Earth, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus, Pluto .
    â€˜I don’t feel comfortable getting a pay-rise of a hundred grand a year when my friend’s losing her job,’ I say as unemotionally as possible. ‘Of course I’d like more money, but I also like being able to sleep at night.’
    â€˜You, lose sleep? Don’t make me laugh!’
    I take a deep breath and say, ‘I don’t know what you imagine you know about me, but you’re wrong.’ Then I feel like a scumbag for implying that I might have an active social conscience, when in fact all the sleep I’ve lost has either been love-related, or . . .
    Or nothing. I can’t let myself think about that now, or I’ll start crying and blurt out the whole story to Laurie. How hideously embarrassing would that be?
    How much would he hate me if he knew?
    â€˜Jesus,’ he mutters. ‘Look, I apologise, okay? I thought I was doing you a favour.’
    What happens if I say yes? I could say yes . No, I couldn’t. What the hell’s wrong with me? I’m panicking, and upset about Tamsin, and it’s affected my brain. The state I’m in, it’s probably sensible to say as little as possible.
    Laurie swings his chair round so that I can’t see him. ‘I told the board you were worth what I think you’re worth,’ he says flatly. ‘They nearly shat themselves, but I made a good case and I talked them round. Do you know what that means?’
    A good case? Do what I say or I’ll put the kibosh on the film – that’s his idea of a good case? He can’t even be bothered to put a convincing gloss on it; that’s how little he values me.
    Without waiting for my response, he says, ‘It means a hundred and forty a year is now officially what you’re worth. Think of yourself as a share on the stock market. Your value’s just gone up. If you tell Maya you don’t want it, if you say, “Yes, please, I’d like a pay-rise but not that much, because I’m not that good, so can we please negotiate downwards?”—do that and you plummet to rock-bottom.’ He spins round to face me. ‘You’re worthless,’ he says emphatically, as if I might have missed the point.
    That’s it: my limit. I turn and walk out. Laurie doesn’t call after me or follow me. What does he think I’m going to do? Take the promotion and the money? Resign? Lock myself in a toilet cubicle for a good cry? Does he feel at all guilty about what he’s just done to me?
    Why the hell do I care how he feels?
    I march back to my office, slam the door, grab the damp towel from the top of the radiator and wipe away condensation until my arm aches. A few minutes later, the window is still sopping wet and now so is my jumper. All I’ve succeeded in doing is flicking the water all over myself. Why doesn’t someone think to put an end to world drought by collecting condensation? My window alone could irrigate most of Africa. Why doesn’t Bob Geldof sort it out? It must be Bob Geldof I’m angry with, since it can’t be Laurie. I’ve got a typed document buried somewhere in my desk, instructing me, among other things, never to allow myself to get angry with Laurie.
    I used to look at it all the time when Tamsin first gave it to me. I thought it was hilarious, more hilarious still