The Convenience of Lies Read Online Free PDF Page B

shoulder massage. As luck would have it, tonight I'm wearing a brand new white shirt that only has one strap and exposes quite a bit of bare skin. I have honestly not thought about how this will benefit me until Ramon starts his massage, and he rubs my bare shoulder. I feel my skin twitch at the surprise of his fingers, and just after it twitches, my skin seems to tingle right where his fingers were. When he touches me again, my skin tingles again, but this time I can feel the tingling spread throughout my shoulder. The more he touches my skin, the more reactive my skin gets from the anticipation of feeling where his fingers will touch next. I feel like I'm in heaven.
    Right then and there I want to take off my shirt and let Ramon rub my entire bare back. But, I know my limits, and Ramon is NOT my boyfriend. So, I'm lying there waiting for each time Ramon is going to rub my bare shoulder again, and wishing that he would just forget the shirt, and stick his hands under it.
    Then this idea strikes me. I can lift up the shirt to expose my bare back, but not actually take off the shirt entirely. I'm nervous about the idea, but I know that it shouldn't ruin my relationship with Ramon at all; we have been through too much for that to hurt it. Or would it? I'm sitting there for like five minutes with my mind churning, considering if I should lift up my shirt, when I realize that Ramon is going to stop massaging me in about seven minutes. So I had better do something soon, or else I will not have any time to enjoy it.
    So, as inconspicuously as I can, I tighten my abs to raise my stomach slightly off of the bed, and with trembling hands pull up my shirt about five inches. Ramon doesn't say anything, but right away he goes to touching my lower back. I can't believe my luck. I was worried that Ramon would avoid touching my bare back because he wouldn't think it's appropriate.
    The euphoria I experienced while getting my shoulders rubbed is nothing compared to getting my bare lower back rubbed. I feel like I have never felt anything until this moment, and now I am feeling everything all at once. My whole mind is being absorbed with just the feeling. That tingling I had felt before is now spreading down into my hips and all of the way up under my shoulder blades. It is like my whole body is on fire. Now every time his fingers touch me, my skin twitches with anticipation and excitement, and the tingling gets so intense it's almost unbearable. It's like the feeling almost hurts, but in a good way, and then after the initial touch, the tingling subsides just enough for me to feel a release all over my lower back. I can feel a spot twitching next to my shoulder blade, and I know that if Ramon were to touch there, it would be like an explosion of anticipation released.
    But then, before I get a chance to tell Ramon to touch my shoulder, my time is up. I feel like I am floating with joy, and I wish I had not already given Ramon his massage because I want him to experience how good skin on skin feels too. Instead, Ramon and I lay down in my bed, and he falls asleep.
    My mind is still whirling. What Ramon did for me felt amazing, and I didn't want it to stop, but it didn't mean anything. He is still just my friend, and there is nothing I can do about it. He didn't do it for me because he loves me. I have already told him that I like him more than a friend, and pressed that point on him for the past several months. I can't see how Ramon could have done what he did without having feelings for me too. I
wish
he has feelings for me, and it seems like he does, so I need to find out the truth.
    How do I do that? I have talked to him, helped him, and flirted with him as much as possible, and I have never really gotten a response from him except a few months ago when he told me that he saw me as just a friend. But now, his actions speak otherwise.
    This mixture of thoughts has been running around inside my mind and driving me nuts for about a week.