The Conscious Heart Read Online Free PDF Page B

because the woman and I hadn’t ‘gone all the way.’ Could it be, I wondered, that all our problems stemmed from truths we were withholding from each other?
    “As I sat on the floor of my office thinking all of this over, I decided to do something radical. Instead of blaming my partner or defending myself in any way, I decided to accept responsibility for everything. Instead of thinking of myself as the victim of a world full of cheating, lying, smoking women, I simply accepted that I had created, chosen, and perpetuated these relationships through the power of my programming.
    “I made a vow: I would tell the truth from then on in my close relationships, and I would take full responsibility for any problem that was occurring. Rather than argue about whose fault any problem was, I would take responsibility for it and ask the other person to do the same. If the other person was not willing to tell the truth and take responsibility, I would get out immediately.
    “I stood up a changed man. I felt years younger, pounds lighter. I put my decision into action immediately. I walked to my partner’s house and said we needed to talk. I told her of my experience and asked her if she would be interested in having a relationship in which we told the truth, took full personal responsibility, and turned our attention to creative expression rather than quarreling. I felt calm, clear, energized, and full of confidence.
    “I was shocked when she said no. No? It seemed like such a great idea! How could she say no? Then she told me why, and the reason shook me deeply then and still saddens me nearly two decades later. She told me that we could have a successful relationship only if I were willing not only to take all the responsibility for our problems but also to admit that she was right and I was wrong. She said she had no responsibility, that it was all my fault, that she saw no connection between her lying and our problems, and that given a choice between me and smoking, she would take the Marlboros and not the man. ‘Why?’ I asked. ‘Why would you choose being right over the relationship?’
    “Softening a little, she said that she was afraid to look at the pattern in herself. It felt like looking into the abyss. If she had to choose between confronting this fear and sacrificing the relationship, she would let the relationship go. She didn’t feel that she had the courage to do it. ‘That’s the way it is,’ she said. I felt a wave ofgrief but also a surge of elation and relief. In that moment every cell in my body said good-bye.
    “I ran back to my room and sat down on the floor again. I spent a few minutes quieting myself with slow, deep breaths. Then I had an exhilarating thought: I could design the kind of relationship I wanted! I could think up what I wanted, and if my commitment was strong enough, it would come into being. I quickly sketched out my desires on a piece of paper. I wanted someone who was honest and loving, someone for whom taking responsibility was no struggle. I wanted a woman who would be willing and able to join me in a relationship where both of us expressed our full creativity. I didn’t have any requirements as to size, shape, or age: All I was really interested in was the quality of our ongoing interactions. If there was honesty, if there was responsibility, if there was a mutual commitment to creativity and spiritual growth, I would be happy. I really wanted a spiritual partner for the journey, someone for whom relationship itself could be integral to our unfolding evolution.
    “It took me less than ten minutes to clarify what I wanted. Then I added a radical clause: If it was not in the cosmic plan for me to have this high-quality relationship, I would gladly be alone. I vowed never to settle for anything less than what I really wanted, no matter how lonely I might feel. I figured I would be better off by myself than I would be replaying these old dramas for the next fifty years. I vowed