The Bad Mother Read Online Free PDF

gulls swooping across the shallow current and fighting over whatever food was to be found, she reflected that there was, after all, a strange elation at being at the centre of such unexpected drama, an enticing sense of ever-expanding horizons. She couldn’t wait to talk to Sam, to explain why things had gone wrong and persuade him to come home for a fresh start together.
    She found him in the brasserie – in what was going to be the brasserie – looking more youthful than ever in a dusty boiler suit, his hair flopping over his eyes. The major structural work on remodelling the former joinery and its cobbled courtyard out front was nearing completion, and he was hoping to open in good time for the summer season. Tessa calmed herself by admiring how well the shiny slickness of the bar would eventually work against the cleaned-up brickwork and sanded wood floors before telling him about Erin and her revelation.
    ‘Wow,’ said Sam. ‘How do you feel?’
    ‘Confused. Hurt. Amazed. Don’t know what to feel yet.’
    ‘And your poor parents. Pretty tough on them, her just turning up out of the blue like that, dropping such a bombshell.’
    ‘If she hadn’t, I might never have found out.’
    ‘No, but she could’ve warned you all that she was coming. Given them a chance to tell you without being bounced into it like that.’
    ‘Maybe it had to happen this way. Though it’s pretty weird to think they might never have told me otherwise. Not sure quite how I get my head round that, how to go on trusting them.’
    His shrug reminded her how easily he always sidestepped confrontation, even other people’s. ‘So what’s she like?’ he asked.
    ‘Don’t know yet. She’s not here for long, though.’
    ‘Right.’
    ‘She’d love to meet you. And the kids, obviously.’
    ‘Really?’
    ‘Yes! Why not?’
    ‘Do the kids need to know?’
    ‘Of course!’
    ‘They’ve a lot going on right now, and it doesn’t really affect them, does it?’
    ‘I’m not keeping it a secret,’ she declared stubbornly.
    ‘Fair enough. But it might be an idea to make sure you’ve got used to the idea first and are Ok with it all.’
    ‘I am. I think it helps make sense of stuff.’
    ‘Like what?’
    ‘I don’t know. Like that I never one hundred per cent belonged. That I wasn’t complete in some way.’
    Sam shrugged. ‘All kids are like that, aren’t they? Go through the fantasy of imagining they’re adopted. You and your mum and dad always seemed pretty tight to me.’
    ‘I’m not saying we weren’t. It’s how I felt.’
    ‘Ok.’
    ‘And in my case, turns out that adoption isn’t a fantasy.’ She looked at him, hoping for more of a response.
    ‘Sure. But it’s not really adoption, is it? It’s not as if your family gave you up, handed you over to strangers.’
    ‘No. That’s right.’ Tessa assumed they were both inevitably recalling the same moment in their own lives: Pamela and Hugo was been delighted when she’d confessed that she’d accidentally fallen pregnant with Mitch when still at college. Even though her parents had only met Sam a couple of times, and she and Sam had not imagined a life together, Pamela and Hugo had made everything fall perfectly into place. Erin, on the other hand, had been sent packing thousands of miles away from home, only weeks after giving birth. ‘No,’ Tessa agreed, feeling some sympathetic kinship with the younger Erin. ‘It was Erin they gave up. Not me.’
    ‘So you’re Ok with it?’ Sam repeated. ‘It’s not going to ruin your life or anything?’
    ‘No. I’m angry that they never told me, that I’ve had to live such a lie all these years, but I’m glad that’s over. I think they’re relieved too. And I’m sure in the end it’ll explain things, open stuff up.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Maybe about us too.’
    ‘Yeah?’ Sam looked her warily.
    ‘About maybe why I find it difficult to say what I want.’ She moved closer, touched his arm. ‘I’m