The Audience Read Online Free PDF Page B

up.
     
    Elizabeth That’s a
Schadenfreude
you have in common with all your predecessors.
     
    Brown No, Ma’am. Trust me. This one is in a league of its own.
     
    Elizabeth Worse than Eden and Churchill? I doubt that. Than Heath and Thatcher?
     
    Brown You’d be surprised.
     
    Elizabeth I suppose he took a long time to go.
     
    Brown Ten years. One month. Three weeks. Four days.
     
    Elizabeth Churchill took even longer. Fifteen years until he made way as Conservative leader for poor Mr Eden.
     
    Brown That’s the first time I’ve heard the word ‘poor’ uttered in the same sentence as ‘Eden’.
     
    Elizabeth He was so dashing. One forgets that now. On the electoral trail in 1955 the women of Britain lined the streets. A year later, he was a disgraced man. I recall a conversation I had with him – (
She smiles as she remembers
.) I was in an evening gown – tiara and Garter sash, having been photographed by Cecil Beaton – which was almost word for word identical to one I had with Mr Blair almost fifty years later. The similarities, the parallels were striking … (
A beat
.) I suppose that’s what happens if you stick round long enough. The same people, the same ideas come round again and again. Wearing a different coloured tie.
     
The Queen turns.
     
    Elizabeth So, back to your weekend, and all this industriousness. Were you up very early?
     
    Brown Four thirty.
     
    Elizabeth Oh, dear.
     
    Brown It’s all right. I never sleep much.
     
    Elizabeth Since when?
     
    Brown Since always.
     
    Elizabeth Harold Wilson always used to say, ‘The main requirement of a Prime Minister is a good night’s sleep … and a sense of history.’ Mrs Thatcher taught herself to need very little towards the end. But I’m not sure how reassured I am by that. I like the idea of any person with the power to start nuclear war being rested. (
A beat
.) Besides, lack of sleep can have a knock-on effect in other areas.
     
    Brown Such as?
     
    Elizabeth One’s general sense of health.
     
A silence.
     
    And happiness.
     
A silence.
     
    And equilibrium.
     
Brown looks up. A silence.
     
    I gather there’s been some concern …
     
    Brown About what?
     
    Elizabeth Your happiness. Don’t worry. You wouldn’t be the first in your position to feel overwhelmed. Despondent.
     
She searches for the right word.
     
    Depressed.
     
    Brown I’m fine. It’s all been checked out. I can assure you.
     
A silence.
     
    From a constitutional perspective you have nothing to worry about.
     
Silence.
     
    They’ve given me some stuff to take. Means you put on a bit of weight, and I can’t eat certain food.
     
He searches his pockets.
     
    I’ve got the list somewhere. Cheese is a no-no, apparently. Caffeine, bean curd, alcohol, avocados, banana peel, pepperoni …
     
    Elizabeth ‘Always destined for the highest office. A giant dwarfing his contemporaries. Half Socrates, half George Washington.’
     
    Brown Who’s that?
     
    Elizabeth It was how your former headmaster described
you
, Mr Brown. ‘A Colossus’. (
A beat
.) ‘With a little bit of OCD.’
     
A silence.
     
    I have it, too, you know.
     
    Brown What?
     
    Elizabeth OCD. With shoes. And pens. All need to be in a row. Neat and tidy. (
A beat.
) Like soldiers.
     
    Brown What happens if they’re not?
     
    Elizabeth I become ‘vexed’.
     
    Brown I have it with nails. Can’t help biting them. And underlining.
     
    Elizabeth What do you underline?
     
    Brown
Everything
.
     
    Elizabeth How very satisfying.
     
A silence.
     
    Mental illness has been in my family for some time. The agitation and hallucinations which troubled George III were diagnosed to have recurred recently in Prince William of Gloucester. Queen Victoria had several lengthy bouts of depression – some argue after the death of her husband she never came out of it. People called it mourning, but it wasn’t. Two of my mother’s nieces, Nerissa and Katherine, were incarcerated in 1941 in the