The Atonement Read Online Free PDF Page B

these
until it’s like a holiday or whatnot,” said Davis as he put the
handkerchiefs back in the box and handed it back to her. “It would
help me to feel better about taking it.”
    “Okay – if that’s what you want,” said Tamiko
who looked a bit disappointed and puzzled at the same time.
    Suddenly, the waitress appeared with their
food, which gave Davis a convenient escape from heading into a
conversation that he was dreading. He dove into his meal to try to
satiate his anxiety rather than his hunger. He felt guilty about
not being able to reciprocate Tamiko’s feelings. At the beginning
of their friendship, there were times when he thought he could.
Tamiko was friendly, intelligent, beautiful, caring, selfless, and
best of all, shared his faith. In fact, he had been looking for a
girl like her to share his life with since he’d come to faith, but
he just couldn’t bring himself to commit to her. He didn’t know if
he was ready to handle a romantic relationship yet.
    Davis had never been good at relationships
and had ruined the few stable ones he did have. So when she
approached him about the possibility of being a couple, he felt
compelled to keep things on the level with her. Unfortunately, his
honesty and frankness had done little to change her feelings. To
make matters worse, instead of giving him the space and time he
needed to talk to God and think about things, she started to crowd
him out. It seemed everywhere he went (with the exception of his
job), she was trying to be there. Then there was what seemed like
the constant gift giving and errand running. The last thing Davis
wanted to do was to hurt Tamiko, especially after all of the
support and affection she’d showered him with. He didn’t want to
lose her as a friend, but given the way things were going, he
couldn’t see things turning out well. He looked up at her and, he
noticed how she was only picking at her meal.
    “Not quite your taste, right?”
    “The rice is good, it’s just the seasoning on
the pork chops needs a little getting used to.”
    “I could get you something else if you don’t
like it.”
    “I’m fine, really. Actually, I was thinking
about something.”
    “ Like what?”
    “ I was wondering if you
wouldn’t mind helping me with something I’m working on at the
church.”
    “What is it?”
    “My mom is going to have this mixer for the
Christian singles in a few weeks.”
    “What?”
    “I know. It sounds lame.
It is lame. Think
of it as her way of helping people who want to get married, find a
partner in a safe or sinless way. Anyway, she wants me to host it
and I don’t want to do it by myself. I wouldn’t do it at all, only
it’s supposed to be a fundraiser for the grocery mobile program
that’s going to get groceries and supplies to the shut in elderly
folks who don’t have relatives to help them.”
    “I don’t get it. Why can’t you do it by
yourself?”
    “Because I don’t want people to think
I’m…looking for someone.”
    “So I’d be there to block for you? Make the
guys think you’re with me?”
    “I guess you could say that, but it’s not
like, I’d be really ‘with you’ or anything like that.”
    “I don’t know, Miko.”
    “It wouldn’t be a real date.”
    “It might not be a real date, but it would
feel like it. Sorry, Miko, but I don’t think I can be down.”
    “So you’re so afraid of relationships, you
can’t even be in the company of a woman for an evening?”
    “I’m not scared of nothin’. I just don’t
think it would be a good idea.”
    “Davis, it’s just a few goofy ice breaker
activities and dinner – just like we’re having right now.”
    “Look, if I had known it’d be just the two of
us tonight, I…never mind.”
    “You mean you never would’ve come?” she said
as her countenance dimmed again.
    “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that - I just –
we’ve talked about this before and I don’t wanna send you any mixed
signals. I need for us to