The American Princess - Best Love Story Ever Read Online Free PDF Page B

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America. But you needn't be concerned, you ugly puss, because I've
ensured that he'll never be born." Her voice was shrill, her eyes
savage. "Princess Betty-Jo's death will remove the American hero's
threat to me and to Emperor Kahn. Dead women don't have sons who
grow up to be heroes."
    In celebration of Princess Betty-Jo's
anticipated demise, Venus kicked Old Hairball with her red,
pointy-toed, stiletto-heeled shoe.
    "Rrrow!" Old Hairball cried, even louder than
before. Then his claws went after her leg and ran her nylon. That
was a mistake, because, holding his tail with both hands she swung
him around like the hammer in a hammer throw, and released him in
the direction of the piranha pool.
    Old Hairball landed on all fours, but
following his successful splashdown he found himself surrounded by
a bunch of repulsive, razor-toothed piranha. The sorry puss gave a
plaintive cry before he realized that it was his lucky day. The
piranha, having just eaten their fill of gold and angelfish,
weren't interested in a pussycat—not even one that looked like
dessert.
    She hauled him out of the pool by the scruff
of the neck, and shook the bejesus out of him. Despite the run in
her nylon, her mood was improving.
    "With Mercury willing to do whatever it takes
to have me, and Zeus busy shagging his strumpet, Europa, it'll soon
be bye-bye American Princess and bye-bye Mr. Raiden."
     
     
     
-5-
BETTY-JO CHANCE
    A
Loveable Lover
     
    It was two-thirty on a March '94 Sunday at
Horry Courts in Myrtle Beach. Betty-Jo Chance was playing in the
South Carolina indoor tennis championship, and she was kicking
butt. For the nineteen-year-old tennis sensation, heaven was only a
game and a lovable lover away. The game she knew she was going to
win, but the loveable lover?
    Although she was plump, she captivated men
when she played. Quite unintentionally, she had added an arousing
dimension to a tennis game. When she pounded the ball cross-court,
her breasts swelled upward in a delight soon followed by their
equally captivating descent. They appeared to be jockeying for
position as the eighth and ninth wonders of the modern world. And
while her breasts did nothing to advance her dream to play
professional tennis, she did have a big weapon—Betty-Jo was
ambidextrous. Her switch-hitting ability enabled her to hammer
forehands, and hit deceptive serves from both her left and right
sides. Her opponents suffered—confused and overpowered.
    * * *
    In the Great Smokey Mountains of Tennessee,
Freddy—Foul Odor—Smith worked his still. Pigs found him offensive.
That was because Foul Odor never bathed.
    A few good old boys, on the lam from the
Tennessee authorities, had become semi-permanent residents of South
Carolina, and they had a standing order for the smelly one's
product. It was during Foul Odor's March moonshine foray to Myrtle
Beach that Mercury possessed him—not always an easy task since most
mortals couldn't be possessed, and even at its easiest, possession
was exhausting work. Then, with Mercury at the controls, they
checked into an eighth floor room at the Strand Princess.
    What I need is a drink to steady my nerves,
Mercury thought. But before long—after numerous swigs from Foul
Odor's jug—he wasn't thinking too clearly. No reason why I
shouldn't have a good time with The Princess before I show her to
the exit.
    * * *
    A week after her triumph at the indoor tennis
championship, Betty-Jo came close to finding a man—thanks to the
efforts of Venus and Mercury—but Foul Odor Smith was the deadly,
not the loveable variety of man she was looking for.
    She was doing fill-in housekeeping at The
Princess when a foul smelling, pot-bellied, redneck blew his nose
on a pillowcase and staggered over to her. It was eleven A.M., but
the redneck was already seriously polluted.
    "You and me is gonna have some fun now,
honey," he said.
    "If it's a fun time you're looking for, why
don't you go out back and goose a chicken?"
    The redneck gave her a