The American Princess - Best Love Story Ever Read Online Free PDF Page A

have
Kahn to deal with."
    Her anger turned to fury, and she hammered
her throne once more. "How does Zeus have the gall to threaten me
with banishment to Hades, when he's meddling with the mortals
himself?"
    "Don't anger him Venus! Banishment to Hades
would mean eons of suffering and dreariness, the kind of monotony
that could drive an insane goddess crazy."
    Mercury's attempt at humor riled her even
more. "Hades or no Hades, vengeance will be mine!" she screamed.
"Psyche will rue the day she took my son from me, and Paris will
suffer for squealing to Zeus about how I rigged the beauty contest.
That pair will never cross me again when they see what happens to
their descendants! Princess Betty-Jo and Raiden will pay for their
folly.
    "What is it with you? You're like an elephant
that never forgets an injustice. Get over what Psyche and Paris did
to you. Let sleeping cows stand."
    "Not when I'm in a cow tipping mood."
    "Saving Emperor Kahn's butt is a better
reason for offing Princess Betty-Jo than revenge for a couple of
two-thousand-year-old grudges. And why do I suspect that your
obsession with slaying The Princess may have something to do with
the Golden Apple?"
    "Maybe you've been blessed with the Wisdom of
Solomon."
    "If I'd been blessed with his wisdom,"
Mercury said, "I wouldn't be captive to your beauty." Then he
thought, I'd be the fourth wise monkey. I'd see no evil, hear no
evil, and speak no evil'. And I'd also fear no evil, because I'd
refuse to fornicate evil goddesses—beautiful or otherwise!
    Venus was well aware that nothing could rival
her beauty. Even the many portraits and statues of her—the
prevalent decor in her opulent temple—didn't adequately depict her
real-life splendor. "Am I more beautiful than the American
Princess?" she said, as she parted her gown to give the messenger
god a glimpse of her breasts—two good reasons for him to lick his
lips.
    "Of cor...of course you are, in an evil sort
of way."
    Caught in the booby trap, she thought, as she
basked in his praise. It's so easy when men keep having fits over
tits.
    "But remember," he continued, "'beauty is in
the eye of the beholder.' A rattlesnake will tell you that beauty
is a long slithery female, with two beady eyes and a sexy
rattle."
    "Snog your rattler! Nobody cares what a snake
thinks. But Princess Betty-Jo's beauty is another matter. She has
real beauty—beauty that came to her through the ages from Helen of
Troy."
    Mercury looked thoughtful. "So Helen is where
Princess Betty-Jo's beauty comes from."
    "But not to worry. The Trojan slut's beauty
will vanish forever, with Princess Betty-Jo's lamentable early
demise. Then, the Golden Apple—symbol to all of my incomparable
beauty—will again be mine. But this time, it will be mine for
eternity."
    "Only if Princess Betty-Jo is slumbering with
the worms before the millennium. She's favored to win the
All-Universe beauty contest, and there's a rumor that Zeus is going
to immortalize the winner, like he immortalized Psyche."
    Venus' fury bubbled over again. "He wouldn't
dare!"
    "You'd better pray you're right, because if
Princess Betty-Jo wins the All-Universe, and Zeus immortalizes her,
the Golden Apple will be hers for a thousand years—maybe for
eons."
    "Damn Zeus! Damn him! He shouldn't allow the
mortals to enter the All-Universe. There's no precedent! He's doing
everything he can to deny me the adulation that's rightfully
mine.
    "Zeus does what he wants. You know that. And
besides, Princess Betty-Jo is his granddaughter—albeit many times
removed."
    "Well I also do what I want! My only
competition in the All-Universe is Princess Betty-Jo, but by 2000
the wench will be six feet under, and so maggot-infested that even
the bowsers will look like ravishing beauties by comparison."
    Mercury stood up. "Gotta leave for Toronto.
It may take a while to talk Raiden into taking his spring break at
Myrtle Beach. Too bad he can't be possessed; it would make my job a
whole lot easier."
    "I don't