That Girl is Mine - Part Two Read Online Free PDF Page B

softly, shaking in his arms, crying, because this also feels wrong.
    What have we done?

Chapter 6

Avery
    We should have talked about what happened between us. We should have said something about what it meant, and where we were supposed to go from there. But, the moment we pulled apart, the cold reality set of what we just did, and to top it off, my cell was ringing upstairs with Josh’s ringtone – Robert Palmer’s voice singing for a doctor to give him the news in Bad Case of Loving You …
    It was a sobering moment, and one that had us pulling away from each other and collecting our clothes. We looked at each other. Everything unsaid was in our eyes. Every emotion we felt was shining there for both of us to see. But, we didn’t speak. Instead, we just stared at each other, listening to the goddamn song until it rang out. Then, as if a hypnotist clicked his fingers, I fled upstairs and grabbed my cell, calling Josh back immediately to hear his voice and try to appease some of the guilt that was seeping through my very pores.
    I spoke to him only briefly. He didn’t really have time to talk, but wanted to call and make sure I was feeling OK. I closed my eyes, his concern for me cracking into my heart as I tried to hold myself together. “I’m just so very sorry,” I replied, and he chuckled, telling me that we all get a little too drunk at twenty-one. Then he hung up, telling me to rest well and that he’d see me when he got home.
    When I disconnected the call, I sat for a moment in the quiet, just trying to breathe and sift through my emotions and place them in some sort of order. But, I couldn’t. I couldn’t work out how I could love Josh yet feel so absolutely attracted to Dylan. In the end, I just cried, and at some point, I must have fallen asleep, because now it’s dark, and I’m lying alone in bed, and I still don’t know what to do. I close my eyes again, fresh tears trailing down my face and wetting my pillow anew.
    I don’t think I’ll ever know what to do.
    I’m a horrible person. I’m a terrible, horrible person.
    Please let this be a dream…
    ***
    At nine o’clock, I wake again, my stomach nagging me for food, and when I go downstairs, walking cautiously in case I run into Dylan and start crying all over again, I find that the house is entirely empty, and when I peak outside, Dylan’s car is gone as well. I wonder where he’s gone this time…
    With my heart heavy, and my mind still clouded, I eat a bowl of cereal, my usual appetite not quite as voracious as it usually is thanks to a heavy feeling of guilt weighing down its contents. I wonder for a moment if I should try calling Dylan to talk to him about what happened. Although, what am I going to say? I don’t even really know what it is I feel about it. It was amazing, I’ll give him that. But, it was also wrong, and should never have happened.
    When I’m done eating and have put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher, I head upstairs to have a shower in order to wash away the memory of my sins. Cleanliness is close to godliness – isn’t that what they say? I’ve never been religious, so I don’t really know. Although it’s in times of confusion and loneliness that I wish I did believe in something. Because then I’d be able to pray, and maybe then I’d find some sort of guidance.
    As the water heats, I turn to the mirror, and for the first time today I actually see my reflection and I actually recoil. My hair looks like it belongs to a witch who uses it to store small birds and mice, and my skin looks grey. My eyes look like they belong to the white walkers in Game of Thrones. Actually, with my current pallor, I could be a white walker in Game of Thrones. Dishonesty obviously doesn’t agree with me.
    I brush my teeth, then step into the hot shower, spending an extraordinary amount of time in there as I wash and condition my long hair and clean every inch of my body at least five times. What is wrong with me? How did I allow