Ten Times Guilty Read Online Free PDF

together. “It’s on the table. I thought about holding it for ransom, but you don’t have anything I want.”
    “What I want is another sitter.”
    “I’m not worried. Ritchie likes me too much.” Judy smiled, gave a mock salute and slipped out the door.
    Tracy locked up behind her. What a kid, and how fortunate Tracy was to have her. That Judy lived downstairs and her mother, Diana, happened to be Tracy’s best friend, was a heaven-sent bonus.
    Tracy crept back to Ritchie’s crib and stood watching as he slept. His fingers clutched his favorite blanket, a ragged blue cotton with satin borders. Tracy reached out to touch his cheek, then drew back. Once he woke, all her time would be spent feeding and playing with him, ordinarily a time she loved.
    But not right now. Not while her future was waiting on the kitchen table. 
    Ritchie let out a soft sigh and rolled onto his back. Tracy froze. No, don’t wake yet, just ten more minutes. She stood immobile, not daring to breathe. After an eternity, Ritchie resumed the even breathing of sleep. Tracy tread carefully into the bathroom to hang up her clothes and change into her robe.
    Her apartment had originally been the attic in Diana’s home until they converted it for Diana’s mother-in-law. Tracy loved it. The rent was low, and she could walk to work. The best thing was the strong sense of comfort she felt having her best friend downstairs, particularly since she had no one else.
    Tracy had been six when a pickup smashed into her father’s car on his way home from work. He died instantly. Later, she realized it was a blessing it happened so quickly, but the ache inside her heart had never healed.
    Until she held her son the first time.
    When the nurse placed him in her arms, Tracy had been terrified. As an only child, she had never been around babies and she worried she wouldn’t hold him properly. Or that she’d drop him. And what would she do if he choked? But she embraced the tiny body tightly wrapped in a hospital blanket and felt his warmth close to her heart. His little round face underneath the knitted cap was all she could see, and his big brown eyes, so much like her own, stared right back. By some miracle he didn’t cry. And magic happened. All the love she kept locked inside flowed to her infant son. Finally, there was someone just for her, someone special for her to love, someone who would love her back.
    But it was so difficult sometimes. Coming home from work, seeing to a baby’s needs before her own, using safety pins to hold her worn bra together because Ritchie needed medicine for an earache, or diaper rash, or even new clothes that every growing baby needs. She sometimes felt so exhausted and defeated she just wanted to turn to someone, anyone, and say, “Please help me, I can’t do it any longer.”
    But she had to. She had to keep walking to work, had to wear clothes from the second-hand store. Most of all, she had to get into a school that offered her a future. It was her only hope.
    Wrapping her wet hair in a towel, she changed to her threadbare robe, then crept to the kitchen to examine the bulging manila envelope on the chrome table. Across the top, bold, black letters read, Rocky Mountain Institute of Hotel & Motel Management.
    Tracy picked it up and hugged it to her. Sometimes she took Ritchie and rode the bus around town, with no particular destination. It was enough just to get out and go as far as her change would allow. One day she’d be able to afford the zoo, the museum, some of the things that helped make life more than just bearable. Occasionally the bus passed one of the big hotels, all the lights glittering in the dusk, the doormen busy assisting the elegantly dressed men and women who could afford to stay there. Nose pressed against the window, Tracy dreamed of being part of their world, a world full of colored lights and sparkle. Reminded her of fairy tales and a life of promise.
    Now, as much as she wanted to rip it open