Tailspin (Better Than You) Read Online Free PDF

are yelled and boots are clomping and then I’m being pulled up to a standing position and facing a giant of a man clad in dark green and black.
    “You alright, son?” Mitch, or Chief as they call him, claps my shoulder. I nod. “Ever think about a job in law enforcement?” He asks. When he doesn’t so much as smile, I realize he’s serious. Instead of answering, I walk away, outside to where the salty air fills my nose and clears my head and the sound of the ocean drowns out the desperate scream of a lost man.
    Mitch finds me again, I don’t know how much later, and stands next to me, not saying anything but watching the water do its ceaseless dance. Finally he speaks up, his baritone voice loud and clear. “Your dad would want you to be happy, Nate.” After I don’t respond, he continues. “Come work with us. He always wanted that for you.”
    I shake my head, not to disagree with him but to clear away the memories of Dad that are bombarding my mind. Dad in his uniform, in the days before the bar. Dad and Mitch playing softball. Dad and Mitch teaching me to throw a football. Dad only quit being a cop because it was too dangerous, but he never quit loving it and shoving it down my throat. The thing is, it doesn’t look so bad anymore. “I don’t know, Mitch. I have Emily and Joshua. The very reason he quit in the first place.”
    “It’s just an option, son. There’s always a spot for you on my team.” He squeezes my shoulder once and then walks away, leaving me to wonder what’s the right thing to do.
     
    ~~
    I’ve called Emily and the house a million times, but no one has answered. Panic and fear claw at my insides, shredding me apart from within. The car is barely in the driveway before I’m out and running; up the steps, through the front door, screeching to a stop in front of a teary-eyed Emily and a wide-eyed Joshua.
    “Nathan,” Emily whispers, chin quivering and tears rolling down her cheeks. Before she says anything else, before either of them can bless me with the sounds of their voices, I pull them into me and hang on tight. Emily clings to my shirt and Joshua wraps his thin arms around my waist. I can’t breathe, but I don’t move. I don’t dare ruin this moment where I’ve finally got them back. I don’t know how long it will last and I’m not about to fuck it up.
    “We thought…we thought you were-”
    “Shhh,” I cut Emily off, refusing to let her go there. “I’m here. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
    I don’t know what I’m apologizing for, except that I’m hoping it’s enough to encompass everything and that they’ll understand. I’m sorry that they’ve lost their parents; I’m sorry that they’re stuck with me; I’m sorry that I don’t know what to say or what to do or how to be; I’m sorry that I haven’t tried harder.
    “How’d you guys get home?” I ask because I can’t help myself. Did they walk? Did they take public transportation? What if something had happened to them-
    “Cora gave us a ride. When Joshua’s school called and said you never came, I knew something was wrong. We got him and came straight home.”
    “I called. I called a million times, Em.”
    She shakes her head against my chest. “I was scared. I thought that they were calling, to tell me something bad. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to know. I figured they’d come here anyway and then I’d know for sure.” She takes a deep breath. “What happened, Nathan?”
    Even before I stepped foot into the house, I knew I wouldn’t tell them the truth. It would break them; make Emily question everything about Dad and his goodness. Even though it isn’t really his fault, I questioned him, too. I can feel the guilt of that eating away at what’s left of my sanity. “I’ll tell you another day, Em. Just not right now.”
    It’s a lie. I don’t ever intend on telling either of them about the gunboy or his story, how he unleashed his madness in one single scream and how