Sydney's Song Read Online Free PDF

dessert in front of me, still trying to get me to eat something.
    â€œBut you say we have to fight to make things better.”
    â€œHoney,” he took my hands solemnly. “Sometimes it’s not worth it. Don’t fight too hard.”
    â€œDad… I can’t believe you’ve been my model of happiness. Of fidelity”
    â€œI’m human. I’m not perfect.”
    â€œOh? I saw you and Mum staying faithful. Because of this, I’ve been saving myself for the love of my life, whoever that will be. And now you’re telling me it has all been a farce? No such thing as fidelity? I better go party and throw my virginity to the wind now.”
    â€œNo!” he protested. “Don’t you dare!”
    â€œWhy not? Trial and error. Just like the grownups.”
    â€œSydney,” he chided with a warning tone. “Don’t be sarcastic. You’ll get over this. Let’s talk about something else… Wanna come with me to Indo-land for a few months? Before uni starts? We’ll be in Balikpapan. That’s far, far away from messy Jakarta or Bali.”
    â€œOops!” this brought me back to my own plan. “I’ve totally forgotten! I get the call-centre job. One-three-hundred five-hundred. I said yes.”
    â€œSure you wanna do it? Work instead of holiday?”
    â€œNo. Yes. It’s just that I’ve said yes, so… I’ll keep my word… For now.”
    â€œWell, think about it. Give me a shout if you change your mind, okay? Join us any time.”
    Dad stayed several more days. When I returned from walking Dimity one morning, my stomach dropped to see him putting suitcases into his car. I had known about this and thought I was prepared. But I was wrong. With leaden steps I went to the backyard, unwound the watering hose, and watered my many, many plants.
    Dad came out to the backyard and set down a brekkie tray. He had put cut-up mango in a bowl. Toasted bread. And cooked non-shiny uninteresting eggs. Yeah, Dad definitely had to stick to cereal.
    He looked at me in helpless apology. His gaze imploring.
    â€œThank you,” my lips wobbled. I loved Dad. Hated him. And life would never be the same again.
    Before Dad left for the airport, he said he would love me forever and always. He said he cared for me and would always be there for me. He said I would always be number one to him.
    And so many other lies.
    That evening I opened the fridge and stood there dejectedly. Staring. Tears and chocolate for dinner?
    But I did not even have the will to indulge myself like many broken-hearted females do. Being alone felt very unnatural to me. I had a strong need for companionship. After that day, when alone, I never bothered to expend my energy on feeding myself.
    At night I woke up with a jerk of anguish in my chest. For a moment I could not recall anything. I gazed around, searching…trying to understand the pain. A slither of light came in from the partly open drape of my window. Full moon outside. And I remembered.
    The divorce!
    A horde of tumultuous feelings assaulted me. I felt insignificant. They had not cared about my opinion or feelings. I felt defeated. Not even given any chance to fight. I felt rejected. My parents were too deliriously happy with their new lovers to want me.
    With a sob I flew downstairs and out to the backyard. Dimity whined and walked out of her doggy house to meet me. I threw myself down and hugged her for all I was worth.
    â€œDimity. I’ll never ever fall in love. Because when you fall in love, you’ll end up married. Have a child. And when you’re not around anymore, your child will wish she’d never been born. I would never do that to anyone.”
    Dimity wasn’t leaving. Gosh, she was very old now. No, she was not leaving…

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