was completely emotionless when he said it. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to make fun of a vanity I didn’t even have, or he was simply stating facts. Was he flattering me or mocking me? Or maybe something else entirely?
“Nobody stares at me as much as you do,” I countered as evenly as I could.
“If it bothers you, I’ll try and stop,” Finn offered.
That was tricky. In order to ask him to stop, I had to admit that it was getting to me, and I didn’t want admit to anyone that anything got to me. If I lied and said it was fine, then he would just keep on doing it. I had no way to win in this situation.
“I didn’t ask you to stop. I asked you why,” I amended. That didn’t really help, but it made me look slightly less weak. Maybe.
“I told you why,” Finn said.
“No, you didn’t,” I shook my head. “You just said that everyone looks at me. You never explained why you looked at me.”
Almost imperceptibly, the corner of his mouth moved up ever so slightly, revealing just the hint of a smirk. It wasn’t just that he was amused with me; he was pleased with me. He was glad that I had caught him, like he had been challenging me somehow and I passed. That pissed me off, but what pissed me off even more was that I was happy I had passed, that I had made 25
him happy in some insignificant way. My stomach did a stupid flip thing I had never felt before, and I swallowed hard, hoping to fight it back.
“I look at you because I can’t look away,” Finn answered finally.
His reply dumbfounded me. I was struck completely mute, trying to think of some kind of clever response, but my mind refused to work. My jaw probably slacked, and I imagined that I looked like an awestruck school girl, and I hurried to collect myself.
“That’s kind of creepy,” I said at last, but my words came out weak instead of accusatory.
“I’ll work on being less creepy then,” Finn promised.
I had called him out on being creepy, justifiably so, and it didn’t faze him at all. He didn’t stammer an apology or flush with shame and regret. He just kept looking at me evenly. Most likely, he was a damn sociopath, and for whatever reason, I found that endearing. First Patrick’s overt naivety, and now Finn’s total disregard for human emotion. Something was really out of whack with me.
It was impossible for me to come up with a witty retort, but thankfully, the bell rang, saving me from the rest of that awkward conversation. Finn just nodded, thus ending our exchange, and gathered up his books. Numbly, I went back over to the table to do the same, and Patrick was giving me a weird look.
Finn was already long gone. He had had hurried away almost as soon as I turned my back to him.
“Sorry,” I mumbled as we cleared up our things. I had rather rudely ditched him in the middle of his explanation, but he just smiled and shook it off. “I didn’t mean to just walk away. But that was bothering me.”
“No, that’s good. You’re not the kind of person to keep things to yourself,” Patrick said.
“No, I’m not,” I admitted wearily. “That kid’s just been bothering me.”
“I wouldn’t worry about him.” Patrick slung his bookbag over his shoulder and smiled reassuringly at me. “He’s harmless.”
26
“You think everyone is harmless,” I pointed out and started walking out of the library.
“Do I?” Patrick wondered aloud and followed a step behind me. “No.
I don’t think Tegan’s harmless.”
“She
actually
is harmless,” I laughed.
Patrick kept me company the rest of the way to my class, and he parted with a hearty wave. True to his word, Finn wasn’t creepy the rest of the day.
Every time I saw him, he was doing something innocuous that didn’t involve looking at me. I still got that feeling that was looking at me when I had my back to him, but as it turned out, I couldn’t seem to do much about feelings.
After school, Matt picked me up, but he was in a
“Nobody stares at me as much as you do,” I countered as evenly as I could.
“If it bothers you, I’ll try and stop,” Finn offered.
That was tricky. In order to ask him to stop, I had to admit that it was getting to me, and I didn’t want admit to anyone that anything got to me. If I lied and said it was fine, then he would just keep on doing it. I had no way to win in this situation.
“I didn’t ask you to stop. I asked you why,” I amended. That didn’t really help, but it made me look slightly less weak. Maybe.
“I told you why,” Finn said.
“No, you didn’t,” I shook my head. “You just said that everyone looks at me. You never explained why you looked at me.”
Almost imperceptibly, the corner of his mouth moved up ever so slightly, revealing just the hint of a smirk. It wasn’t just that he was amused with me; he was pleased with me. He was glad that I had caught him, like he had been challenging me somehow and I passed. That pissed me off, but what pissed me off even more was that I was happy I had passed, that I had made 25
him happy in some insignificant way. My stomach did a stupid flip thing I had never felt before, and I swallowed hard, hoping to fight it back.
“I look at you because I can’t look away,” Finn answered finally.
His reply dumbfounded me. I was struck completely mute, trying to think of some kind of clever response, but my mind refused to work. My jaw probably slacked, and I imagined that I looked like an awestruck school girl, and I hurried to collect myself.
“That’s kind of creepy,” I said at last, but my words came out weak instead of accusatory.
“I’ll work on being less creepy then,” Finn promised.
I had called him out on being creepy, justifiably so, and it didn’t faze him at all. He didn’t stammer an apology or flush with shame and regret. He just kept looking at me evenly. Most likely, he was a damn sociopath, and for whatever reason, I found that endearing. First Patrick’s overt naivety, and now Finn’s total disregard for human emotion. Something was really out of whack with me.
It was impossible for me to come up with a witty retort, but thankfully, the bell rang, saving me from the rest of that awkward conversation. Finn just nodded, thus ending our exchange, and gathered up his books. Numbly, I went back over to the table to do the same, and Patrick was giving me a weird look.
Finn was already long gone. He had had hurried away almost as soon as I turned my back to him.
“Sorry,” I mumbled as we cleared up our things. I had rather rudely ditched him in the middle of his explanation, but he just smiled and shook it off. “I didn’t mean to just walk away. But that was bothering me.”
“No, that’s good. You’re not the kind of person to keep things to yourself,” Patrick said.
“No, I’m not,” I admitted wearily. “That kid’s just been bothering me.”
“I wouldn’t worry about him.” Patrick slung his bookbag over his shoulder and smiled reassuringly at me. “He’s harmless.”
26
“You think everyone is harmless,” I pointed out and started walking out of the library.
“Do I?” Patrick wondered aloud and followed a step behind me. “No.
I don’t think Tegan’s harmless.”
“She
actually
is harmless,” I laughed.
Patrick kept me company the rest of the way to my class, and he parted with a hearty wave. True to his word, Finn wasn’t creepy the rest of the day.
Every time I saw him, he was doing something innocuous that didn’t involve looking at me. I still got that feeling that was looking at me when I had my back to him, but as it turned out, I couldn’t seem to do much about feelings.
After school, Matt picked me up, but he was in a
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