Sweetblood (9781439108741) Read Online Free PDF Page B

say. “It’s me.” Like she can’t figure that out herself.
    â€œLucy.” She smiles sleepily. Buttface’s style is to stay calm under all circumstances. I think she takes tranquilizers. With her round face and heavy eyelids she looks like a little kid ready for her nappy. “How are you doing today?” Her standard question.
    I shrug—my standard answer. She nods as if I have said something, so I do. “This is a preemptive visit,” I say.
    â€œOh?”
    â€œYeah. You know—like for a problem that isn’t a problem yet, but you might be hearing something about it.”
    â€œSomething you haven’t done yet?”
    â€œNot exactly. More like something I already did, but it hasn’t hit the fan yet.”
    â€œOh.” She’s still smiling, but she looks a little sad.
    â€œI wrote this paper for Mrs. Graham. We were supposed to write an essay? It was supposed to be about our future, you know? Like, what I think my life will be like when I become a lawyer, or president, or something. Except I wrote something different.”
    She holds her sad smile, waiting for more.
    â€œAnyway, in case Graham blows a blood vessel or something, I just wanted you to know.”
    â€œKnow what?”
    â€œThat I was just messing around. I’m not crazy.”
    â€œNobody thinks you’re crazy.”
    â€œYeah, right.”
    That night at midnight I log on and drop into Transylvania. 2Tooth and Fangs are arguing about how much blood a full-blown vampire needs to stay healthy.
    Fangs666: it’s the essence that s important. Vamps eat reglar food 2. They just need a little bit of blood everyday
    2Tooth: REEL vampires need LOTS of blood
    Fangs666: depends on what U call LOTS. Maybe 1 rat worth
    2Tooth: More like a pig worth
    Fangs666: U know how much blood in pig?
    2Tooth: DEpens on how big the pig.
    Sblood: HEY. I keep telling you morons that REAL vampires died out in the 20th century.
    Fangs666: blood, U don’t knw crap
    Sblood: at least I know how to type. you morons know less than that.
    Draco: Children, behave yourselves!
    Nobody writes anything for almost a minute. We haven’t heard from Draco in weeks. There is something about his “voice” that scares me.

    Draco: To answer your questions, young ones, a 30 kilo Vietnamese potbellied pig holds 2 liters of ruby nectar. This is enough to sustain an adult Overman for 2 weeks, more or less, depending upon his level of activity. That is about 150 milliliters per day. Of course, we eat other things as well, such as the rest of the pig.
    Fangs666: what if you can’t get it?
    Draco: not get blood? What a curious concept. This planet is swimming in hemoglobin. But let us say that I were marooned on a raft in the middle of the ocean and could not so much as catch a fish. Like any other creature, I would starve. Of course, the real problem would be the sunburn. My skin is quite sensitive.
    I try to imagine Draco sitting at his computer. At first I see a tall, dark-haired, handsome man in his thirties. He has cold eyes and a cruel mouth. Like Pierce Brosnan only younger and paler. He is sipping red fluid from a wineglass. I shake my head to clear it. Now I see a pimply twenty-something computer nerd guzzling Yoo-Hoo and scratching himself and pouring a lot of misplaced energy into the net. Some jerk without a life.
    Sblood: maybe you should see a doctor, Draco
    Draco: How amusing. I did visit a physician recently for a blood workup. I was concerned that I might have become HIV positive. Many of us have contracted AIDS, you see. The sad fact is that the consumption of human nectar, while sublime, is not without risk. This is why I have been raising potbellied pigs
    Sblood: did they check your blood glucose? Maybe you’ve got diabetes.
    Draco: Ah, Sweetblood, still promoting your diabetic vampire theory I see. In fact, my blood appeared to be normal in most respects, although the physician