that in my life.” I look away because I am almost ashamed to admit it. “It was so painful, but so…intense. I just wanted to help you take the pain away.”
“I thought if you saw that side of me, you’d be terrified.”
“I don’t blame you, but the thing is you showed me that no matter how angry you are, no matter how hurt, you would never do anything I didn’t want to do. I understand the need to manifest the emotional world into the physical. I get it .”
He glances at my arm. “ I guess you do.”
“I want to see the real you. All sides of you. We all have our ugly sides.”
“Are you sure?”
“I have never been more sure. I want you to do with me whatever you want. I want to make you feel complete.”
“You want everything?” He asks.
“I do. I want to learn everything. I want to be your everything.”
He leans in and guides my face so that I look into his eyes. “You need to know this: I will protect you. I will provide for you. I will give you all the physical pleasure you could ever imagine in ways you didn’t even know were possible. You’re mine, and when someone tries to hurt or take what is mine, I get vicious. It’s like taking a bone from a dog. I will fucking bite, I will rip flesh off of bone.” Chills run along my arms and back. He is reciting a vow to me. He is making a promise, one I am terrified he will keep. I nod, but have no words ; he is not asking for my opinion, he is telling me the way things are now.
We lay in silence, my head on his chest; I listen to his heart, counting each beat. Finally, my eyelids begin to feel heavy. I try to fight the sleep, to stay in the stillness here with Taylor before we have to face all the chaos of the world again.
“Taylor,” I murmur in a sleepy voice with my eyes half closed, “Who did that to Eric? Who beat him up so bad? Was it you? Harrison?”
There is no answer. I open my eyes to find Taylor asleep , h is peaceful exterior hiding the storm brewing inside.
CHAPTER THREE
I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding so hard I can barely catch my breath. I sit up and look at the clock: it’s three thirteen in the morning. Normally, Taylor would wake up at the slightest flinch, but his medication has put him in a deep sleep. After staring into the darkness for 15 minutes, I rise to get a glass of water, maybe find something to read in Taylor’s library. I now know the restlessness that wakes Taylor late into the night; I guess this is the price I must pay to be with him. I throw on my chunky cardigan and slip out of the bedroom quietly . T he house is so still and its vastness in the dark is like a terrifying black hole. The light switches are impossible to find amidst all this wall space, but finally, I find one for the kitchen. As I drink an ice cold glass of lemon water, I spot the faintest spot of marinara sauce on the wall, evidence of the rage Taylor experienced. I must find the cleaning supplies. I must erase this.
I wander to the sliding glass doors that lead to the back of his property , hoping to find what I seek. The cool breeze lifts my hair off of my shoulders and I inhale its purity deep into my lungs. In the garden, the various colors of foliage are barely visible in the light of the full moon . There is a bed made from rose petals, hundreds, maybe thousands of them that I had never seen before. Then two large, warm hands, such a contrast to the chilly late night air, rest on my shoulders. I jump and almost vocalize, but the person behind me simply leans towards my ear and whispers “shhhh.”
The hands slowly slide down my front side onto my breasts, gently caressing the nipples through my satin camisole. He knows just how to do it, and I cock my lower back to signal he is on the right path. One hand covers my breast, while the other slowly glides down past the edge of the slick camisole into my panties. He massages my lips with his fingers