Stop Being Mean to Yourself: A Story About Finding the True Meaning of Self-Love Read Online Free PDF

levels, or dans ,of skill. Each time a student moves to the next level, he or she has to pass a test. And when the student reaches that new level, it's not easier. He or she is required to use all the skills acquired so far, plus learn new ones. The new level is more complicated, more difficult, and more of a challenge. And however accomplished, the student begins anew as a student at the new level.
    The place where a martial art student practices is called a dojo .That means place of enlightenment. Some people say our lives are our dojo .
    I had moved to new levels before .
    Fifteen years ago , I was six years into a marriage
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    to an alcoholic . In the process of frantically trying to do everything right , which then meant controlling everyone and everything but me , I lost myself . I disappeared . In the mush of believing lies and lying to myself my spiritual , mental , and emotional powers waned into nonexistence . I became a vindictive ,
    victimized , passively irate amoeba . I didn ' t leave the house for years , except to go to market .
    That changed — or at least began to change — in one moment when I stopped pointing at everyone around me , screeching ," Look what you ' re doing to me ,
    " and instead began looking at myself .
    In Aikido , a nonaggressive martial art I would begin studying years later , my sensei , or teacher , talked about the golden ball of power each of us has in our solar plexus — a golden ball that radiates in a wide arc around us . Although I didn ' t know about this golden ball of power back then , I started to see the first glimmers of its light .
    I spent the next five years learning the lessons at this new level . I learned I could stop trying to control other people and instead take responsibility for myself I learned I could allow others to live with the inevitable and consequential results of their choices and destiny . Rather than torque my head off my neck and implode my insides obsessing , I learned I had options — letting go , detaching , becoming peaceful . I realized I no longer had to let others control me . Hallelujah ! I was free . Well almost . But at least I added a little light to that golden ball of power each day .
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    I added the word " no " to my vocabulary , too . I learned I didn ' t have to let others lie to , abuse , or manipulate me for their own conscious — and sometimes less than conscious — motives . I began to feel my emotions even when others preferred I didn ' t . I discovered I no longer had to stay trapped in relationships or situations that made me so wretchedly miserable . I got to have a life , too .
    Slowly , over those years , I began to live it .
    Ten years ago , I moved to a new level again . I divorced my husband , took my two young children — Shane and Nichole — by the hand , and began my family and life anew as a single parent . I jumped into my career and wrote a book about what I had learned at the last level , a book called Codependent No More .
    That ' s that , I thought , dusting off my hands and turning in the manuscript . I have solved that problem .
    But to my surprise , along with this new dimension of life came a new dimension of lessons . Some were invigorating , some challenging , some confusing . And one — the sudden death of my son in 1991 from a ski accident — broke my heart .
    I found out there was more life to live than I had ever imagined . I also discovered there were deeper places in me that needed healing , cleansing , and renewing — places I didn ' t know existed , either . Often the old lessons , the lessons of the other levels , reappeared in different shapes and forms or wearing a disguise . Whenever that happened , I wondered if I was doing something wrong , and I doubted the insights I once thought I had .
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    I didn ' t yet understand about levels .
    Now, the energy in my life had begun to shift again. It would take months before I would really see and believe what the Buddhist monk