Still Missing Read Online Free PDF

goddamned Fred Astaire. With a laugh, he pulled me back up and led me to the bathroom.
    Tea-light candles flickered on the counter, and the air was filled with the scent of burning wax and flowers. Steam drifted over the bathtub and rose petals floated on the water's surface.
    "Time to get undressed."
    "I don't want to." It came out in a whisper.
    "It's time ." He stared steadily at me.
    I took off my clothes.
    He folded them neatly and took them out of the room. My face burned. One arm was across my breasts, one hand over my crotch. He pulled them away and motioned me into the bathtub. When I hesitated, his face flushed and he stepped closer.
    I got in the bath.
    With that monster key ring he unlocked one of the cabinets and pulled out a razor--a straight-edge razor.
    He lifted up my right leg and rested my heel on the edge of the tub, then slowly ran his hand up and down my calf and thigh. It was the first time I noticed his hands. There wasn't a single hair on them, and his fingertips were smooth, like they'd been burned. Terror roared through my body. What kind of person burns off his fingertips?
    I couldn't stop staring at the razor, watching it move closer to my leg. I couldn't even cry.
    "Your legs are so strong--like a dancer's. My mother was a dancer." He turned toward me but I was focused on the blade. "Annie, I'm talking to--" He sat back on his heels. "You're scared of the razor?"
    I nodded.
    He held it up so the light could reflect on it. "The new ones just don't cut as close." He shrugged and gave me a smile. Then he leaned back in and started shaving my calf. "If you remain open to this experience, you'll discover a lot about yourself. Knowing someone has life-and-death power over you can be the most erotic experience of your life." He stared hard at me. "But you already know how freeing death can be, don't you, Annie?" When I didn't answer, he looked back and forth between the razor and me.
    "I--I don't know what you mean?"
    "Surely you haven't forgotten all about Daisy."
    I stared at him.
    "What were you, again? Twelve, wasn't it? And she was sixteen? To lose someone you love so young..." He shook his head. "Things like that can really change a person."
    "How do you know about Daisy?"
    "Your father, now, he died on the way to the hospital, isn't that right? And Daisy, how did she die again?" He knew. The bastard knew.
    I found out how at her funeral, when I overheard my aunt explaining to someone why Mom hadn't wanted her beautiful daughter to have an open casket. For months after that, my sister came to me in dreams, holding her bleeding face in her hands and begging me to help her. For months I woke up screaming.
    "Why are you doing this?" I said.
    "Shaving your legs? Don't you find it relaxing?"
    "That's not what I meant."
    "Talking about Daisy? It's good to talk about these things, Annie."
    Another this-can't-be-happening wave rolled over me. I can't be lying in a warm bath with some freak shaving my legs while he's telling me I need to get my feelings out. In what world does this shit happen?
    "Stand up and put your foot on the side of the tub, Annie."
    "I'm sorry, we can talk more. Please don't make me do that--"
    His face went blank. I'd seen that look before.
    I stood up and put my foot on the side of the tub.
    Shivering in the cool air, I watched rose-scented steam roll off my body. I hate the smell of roses, always have. But The Freak?
    He started to hum.
    I wanted to push him away. I wanted to knee him in the face. But my eyes were riveted on the razor's shiny blade. He wasn't physically hurting me, just a little with his fingernails when he gripped my butt to hold me in place, but the terror was huge, a massive thing tearing into my chest.
    Years ago I went to a doctor, an old guy I'd only been to once before. This time he had to do a Pap smear, and I still remember lying on my back with his head between my legs. He was a weekend pilot, and photos of airplanes were all over his office. As he jammed