Sorrows of Adoration Read Online Free PDF Page B

that he did not think
less of me for accepting the offer.
    “On the contrary, I
think you’re wise to put appearance of propriety aside for reasons
of survival. We’ll both sleep better for this,” he said softly as
he moved to me, put his blanket over me, and then crawled
underneath both of them.
    I lay on my right side,
my arms folded across my chest as my teeth continued to chatter. He
faced me, close but not quite touching except where his own arm
crossed his chest. His left arm was folded under his head as a
pillow. He shifted briefly to pull the blankets up to my ears and
tuck them around us both, and then he lay back down. Our arms
before our chests were pressed together, and once he accidentally
knocked his foot into mine and apologized. I said it was no concern
and smiled at him as I began to finally feel some small warmth from
being so close. He smiled back and whispered, “Sleep. I swear you
shall be safe.”
    “I know,” I whispered
back, because I did. I completely trusted this good man. I had no
reason not to. Had he wanted to accost me or take advantage of me,
he could well have done so many times over, knowing that I would
have no defence but to run away, likely to my death. There would
have been no punishment for such crimes when we reached his home,
for his word against mine would have suffered no contest. But I
didn’t trust him merely because he had not abused me thus far—I
trusted him because he seemed to genuinely care for me. He asked my
opinions, went to great lengths to ensure my comfort where he
could, and made a point of reassuring me even when it was
unnecessary. I had never experienced such kind concern before, and
it touched my heart.
    He fell asleep first—I
could tell so by his light snoring. I found the sound to be
soothing—if he could sleep so soundly, things could not be entirely
bad, I reasoned. And the rhythm of his breath was constant and
relaxing. I found myself dreaming of loving such a man and quickly
banished the notion from my mind.
    Silly
girl, I told
myself, he
is so far above you in station, you should be glad if he lets you
mop his floors when you get to Endren.
    Indeed, he had spoken
several times of rewarding me for my warning at the outpost, and
every time I insisted I needed no reward. I didn’t. I could find
work in Endren and make a life for myself, and I intended to do
just that. I thought perhaps if he continued to insist on reward, I
might be persuaded to accept a new change of clothes, a bath—oh,
how I desperately wanted a bath!—and perhaps a meal to set me on my
way. But I wouldn’t consider that a reward if it were offered; it
would be an appreciated act of kindness on his part.
    Yet that thought of
having feelings for this good man who slept beside me was hard to
banish entirely. I prayed that if the Gods saw fit to reward me for
doing my duty—which should not necessarily be rewarded—that they
might bring my way such a good man closer to my station. I tried to
imagine such a man and discovered he had Jarik’s kind face, his
smile lines, his bright eyes and layered dark hair. I erased the
image and tried to replace the face with another, but Jarik’s
visage kept breaking through the image, right down to that bit of
hair in front that was too long and hung over his eye.
    I chastised myself. I
had to stop myself from thinking such things before I went and
spoiled what pleasant parts there were to this otherwise difficult
journey. I reminded myself of the cold, hard fact that this man was
the cousin to the future King, was no doubt betrothed to a refined
and elegant lady of court, and was probably simply being polite to
the dirty little peasant girl in order to have a more pleasant
journey himself.
    I fell asleep telling
myself repeatedly that allowing my heart to get involved with
anything about this man was a foolish notion, one that would
undoubtedly result in great pain.
    * * *
    In the morning when we
woke, we looked out upon a world blanketed