lighting it and then fanning the smoke with one hand. âI mean, the time that we were together wasnât all that great, but I loved him so much. It was just circumstancesââ and now she sobbed, shaking her headââthat kept us apart. But he was, like, everything to me for those two months. Everything.â
I looked over at Scarlett, who was studying the pavement, and I said, âIâm so sorry, Ginny.â
âWell,â she said in a tight voice, exhaling a long stream of smoke, âitâs so different when you knew him well. You know?â
âI know,â I said. We hadnât seen much of Ginny since midsummer. After spending a few wild weeks with us, sheâd gotten sent off to a combination cheerleading/Bible camp while her parents went to Europe. It was just as well, we figured. There was only so much of ongoing Ginny you could take. A few days later Scarlett had met Michael, and the second half of our summer began.
We kept following the line into the church, now coming up on Elizabeth. Ginny, of course, made a big show of running over to her and bursting into fresh tears, and they stood and hugged each other, crying together.
âItâs so awful,â a girl said from behind me. âHe loved Elizabeth so much. Thatâs his shirt sheâs holding, you know. She hasnât put it down since she heard.â
âI thought they broke up,â said another girl, and cracked her gum.
âAt the beginning of the summer. But he still loved her. Anyway, that Ginny Tabor is so damn shallow,â said the first girl. âShe only dated him for about two days.â
Once inside, we sat toward the back, next to two older women who pulled their knees aside primly as we slid past them. Up at the front of the church there were two posters with pictures of Michael taped to them: baby snapshots, school pictures, candids I recognized from the yearbook. And in the middle, biggest of all, was the picture from the slide show, the one that had brought cheers in that darkened auditorium in June. I wanted to point it out to Scarlett, but when I turned to tell her, she was just staring at the back of the pew in front of us, her face pale, and I kept quiet.
The service started late, with people filing in and lining the walls, shuffling and fanning themselves with the little paper programs weâd been handed at the door. Elizabeth Gunderson came in, still crying, and was led to a seat with Ginny Tabor sobbing right behind her. It was strange to see my classmates in this setting; some were dressed up nicely, obviously used to wearing church clothes. Others looked out of place, awkward, tugging at their ties or dress shirts. I wondered what Michael was thinking, looking down at all these people with red faces shifting in their seats, at the wailing girls he left behind, at his parents in the front pew with his little sister, quietly stoic and sad. And I looked over at Scarlett, who had loved him so much in such a short time, and slipped my hand around hers, squeezing it. She squeezed back, still staring ahead.
The service was formal and short; the heat was stifling with all the people packed in so tightly, and we could barely hear the minister over the fanning and the creaking of the pews. He talked about Michael, and what he meant to so many people; he said something about God having his reasons. Elizabeth Gunderson got up and left ten minutes into it, her hand pressed against her mouth as she walked quickly down the aisle of the church, a gaggle of friends running behind her. The older women next to us shook their heads, disapproving, and Scarlett squeezed my hand harder, her fingernails digging into my skin.
When the service was over, there was an awkward murmur of voices as everyone filed outside. It had suddenly gotten very dark, with a strange breeze blowing that smelled like rain. Overhead the clouds had piled up big and black behind the trees.
I almost lost