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’cause if you ask me, anybody that did what my daddy did wasn’t fit to be knowed. I had a hard time believing that I had a real daddy, so when Miss Odetta called on me I thought it was even odder he’d sent her instead of coming hisself. I never did understand that. I’d thought on Odetta every now and again since the first time I met her. On account we didn’t see one another on a regular basis, she slipped past my everyday knowing, just like my unpracticed multiplication tables. But now she might be the only one I could call.
    Mrs. Perez was pulling stuff out of cabinets and was making what I s’posed was dinner—after all, it was getting dark outside. The truth be told, the last thing I wanted to think ’bout was food. That Odetta woman was sitting on the edge of my mind.
    Even though I’d swore to the heavens I’d never go all the way back to them mem’ries of the one time me and Doretha visited with Ruby the summer I s’posedly met my daddy, Glenn, I couldn’t stop the thoughts from having they way. I didn’t try and fight it. I just laid the wet paper towel Mrs. Perez gave me ’cross my stinging welts on my arms and closed my eyes.
    I could still hear the spitefulness in Sister’s voice as she’s yelling and telling us how she didn’t wanna go and see Ruby. Me and Big Mama just stood by and watched as Daddy Lent dragged her to the car and tried to fold her into it. “I hate her. She ain’t no kin to me.” I couldn’t believe Sister. “If she’d really wanted us, she would’ve came for us herself. Cain’t y’all see that! It’s ’cause she hates us, that’s why she didn’t come! She prob’ly won’t even be there anyway!” We drove off from 2520 South Fifth Street, with Doretha having a full-blown conniption in the backseat. She was ’hooping and hollering ’bout how she hated everybody and damn sho’ didn’t want nothing to do with no mama named Ruby. Big Mama didn’t say nothing, or try and hit her for acting fool—instead she just kept right on know what to do for my sister. From what I can r’member Sister was round nine or ten, which would’ve made me five or near to it. And I thought she knowed more ’bout everything than I did. But when it came to our mama, Ruby, Sister didn’t know her like I imagined I did—as our
mama,
the woman who’d hug us an’ hold us and make us feel wanted. I just sat back and let Doretha scream in my ear and kick and scratch me if she wanted to. I didn’t care ’bout what she was sayin’. I was just glad to be going to see my mama.
    I ’magined the reason we was able to go was ’cause Ruby had convinced Big Mama that she was done chasing them mens and dranking liquor and was ready to give me and my sister a try. I couldn’t wait.
    When we arrived at Ruby’s she seemed kinda glad to see me and Sister, but I couldn’t really tell on account I didn’t r’member her ways firsthand. She was wearing what I figured to be her go-to-work uniform—a white nurse dress and shoes—and didn’t seem to have a lot of time to sit and let us know how happy she was to see us.
    “Here, Doretha Ann.” Ruby handed Sister an empty Swanson’s chicken potpie box. “There’s some chicken potpies in the oven—turn ’em off in a li’l while.” Ruby then showed us to the room that we would share. We had twin beds and a dresser meant for two. The room seemed fine ’nough, but I was all balled up in knots, so I couldn’t say a whole lot. More than anything, though, I wanted to cry—on account that Ruby wasn’t gonna be round that night—but I didn’t know how to let them tears out. Instead I just held my breath for as long as I could and let the wanting pass.
    At the time, Ruby was working the eleven-to-seven night shift at the hospital—which wasn’t so good ’cause we was left by ourselves a whole lot. Big Mama didn’t know all that when she agreed to give Ruby a chance with us. I believe Ruby even got me into a school to show just how