#SOBLESSED: the Annoying Actor Friend's Guide to Werking in Show Business Read Online Free PDF

auditions around June. Wide-eyed recently graduated theatre majors are
the crabgrass of Broadway.
    UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN:
SCHOOL OF MUSIC, THEATRE & DANCE
    What is Michigan’s Nickname?
    Michigan: The New CCM.
    How Smart Do I Have to Be to Attend Michigan?
    A sensible Screech – or Jessie before she got
hopped up on caffeine pills.
    How Many Weeks on Broadway Will My Education from
Michigan Cost?
    57 weeks in-state and 115 weeks out-of-state. I
wouldn’t sweat it. You’re résumé will say, “University of Michigan.”
    What Did You Learn About Michigan?
    Remember that time when all the envious MTs of the
world dogged on CCM for being the
elite-cookie-cutter-triple-threat-we-hate-you-because-you-go-there-and-we-don’t-school?
I’m not exactly sure when this program “crossed over” and became the Crown Jewel
of BFAs, but I’m guessing it had something to do with YouTube.
    Michigan was always a reputable program and there were
notable alumni before the dawn of Twerking By The Cakes, but there was
something about the way Andrew Keenan-Bolger and Jake Wilson latched onto the
Internet’s new way of delivering original content that helped set the school
apart from everybody else and bring its relevance into the homes of high
schoolers everywhere. They were somewhat pioneers in their own way. Michigan’s
ability to be the first program to find a way to mass-market to the Wicked Generation is probably why their students are so successful today and NOT AT
ALL because of any alumni who might be involved with casting.
    What is the Audition Process at Michigan Like?
    PRESCREEN! It’s pretty much the same rigmarole as
Texas State, except it’s articulated on the website better because it’s
Michigan and they’re so perfect I think I’ll just kill myself. They require two
monologues, two sixteen bar cuts, and WATCH OUT because here comes that solo choreographed
dance again! I still want to see the singer-who-moves (and by, “moves” I mean,
“can walk”) prescreens from these schools. We live in a cynical world, and I am
not accusing any of these schools of playfully making fun of a #hotmess
prescreen, but if we think they aren’t at some point, we’re kidding ourselves.
I dare you to find me an agent or casting director who hasn’t at least once
emailed an actor’s submitted headshot to their friends because it’s too
ridiculous not to share. If you can find me someone in this business that is
truly professional enough to have treated other people’s lives and dreams with
respect 100% of their entire career, I will quit the business and become a
paleontologist.
    If you are truly #blessed enough, you’ll receive a
live audition appointment that pretty much consists of presenting the same
material from your prescreen – with the exception of a group dance class in
substitution of the at-home Flashdance -esque choreographed requirement.
I wish every prospective Michigan student, including the budding Sancho Panzas
of the world, gave these mandatory videoed dance requirements a big fat #blowme
and just did three minutes of “What a Feeling.”
    After you attempt to prove you are a triple threat,
they throw a piano/sight reading test in there just to fuck with you.
#HolyToneDeafProblems! I would have been up-shit-creek at these auditions! The
only thing I knew about solfège when I was seventeen was whatever Maria von
Trapp taught me. (If you rolled your eyes at that reference it means I’m doing
a good job!) The only thing I remember from my college sight-reading/piano
classes is something about Charlie Goes Down And Eats Big Fat Cock.
    On the drama end of the Michigan spectrum, there is
no need for a prescreen. Michigan don’t give a shit about acting, so you can
just walk right off the street and do two monologues about as easily as a
Michigan grad can take their cap and gown off and walk right onto a Broadway
stage. You may, however, be asked to participate in a bit of old-fashioned
improv. Not so much