So You Call Yourself a Man Read Online Free PDF

say, and after that you can leave.”
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    The second I walked out of the UPS building, I took a deep breath, wiping away a single tear as I dialed my home phone. Jessica answered on the second ring, and the first thing that came out of her mouth was, “Did you get the job?” There was no “Hello,” no “Hey baby,” not even a “How did it go?” None of that. Just a straight-to-the-point “Did you get the job?”
    â€œWell…” I replied rather solemnly, but before I could answer, she cut me off.
    â€œOh, God, don’t tell me you didn’t get the job, Sonny.” Her voice cracked with concern, and for a second I was afraid to answer.
    â€œNo, hun, I didn’t get the job as a driver,” I replied, but all I could hear was her breathing. “Jes, you still there?”
    She finally responded, her words even sadder than before. “What are we going to do?”
    â€œWe’re going to celebrate,” I told her with excitement.
    â€œCelebrate? Celebrate what? Being broke?”
    â€œNo, my new job as a UPS computer analyst.”
    â€œNew job? Computer analyst?”
    â€œThat’s what I said.”
    â€œBut you said you didn’t get the job.”
    â€œI said I didn’t get the job as a driver, but that’s only because they wanted to offer me a job as an analyst.”
    â€œYou got the job?” she mumbled happily.
    â€œThat’s right, baby, so pack your bags, because James hooked us up and we’re moving back to New York.”
    â€œYou got the job?” she repeated, like she still didn’t believe me. I knew she’d been concerned about me being out of work, but I never knew just how much until now. I guess that’s why she allowed me to come to New York and interview. She was afraid that if I didn’t, I might not get a job anywhere.
    â€œYes, baby, we got the job.”
    â€œThank God,” she said, and the relief in her voice made me smile. “So when are we moving? Oh, my God, I’ve got so much to do.”
    â€œI’ll be back in about a week or two. I’ve gotta find us a place to live and get a few things straight here. Do you think you can get everything ready to go by the time I get back?”
    â€œSweetheart, you can count on it,” she replied, in a voice that assured me the job would be done.

6
James
    Brent, Sonny, and I were at Madison Square Garden. By halftime the Knicks were getting their butts whipped by Shaquille O’Neal and the Miami Heat. That was okay, though. The night was still young, and after the game we were going to head over to Hooters to celebrate Sonny’s new job and Brent’s last few nights as a bachelor. I tried to arrange a big shindig at a strip club with all of our friends, but Mr. Born-Again Brent nixed that idea a couple of nights ago. I had to twist his arm just to get him to let Sonny and me take him to Hooters.
    Despite his holier-than-thou protest during the week, Brent had been in high spirits from the minute we picked him up and headed to the game. I think he was a little more excited about the whole Hooters thing than he wanted to admit. I guess that’s how it is when you’re going to be married in less than twenty-four hours. You wanna see someone else’s titties one last time. You don’t necessarily wanna touch ’em, but you do wanna see ’em. Then again, even for an old married guy like me, a beer and some titties sounded pretty good. Who knows, I thought, maybe if we were lucky and he drank enough beer before the end of the game, Brent might let us take him to a real strip club.
    I turned to Sonny, who as usual had his cell phone glued to his ear, talking to that bubble-butt, gold-digging wench he called a wife. Damn, I couldn’t stand that bitch. It seemed like she was calling every half hour on the hour since he got into town just to see what he was doing. I felt like grabbing his