So Much for My Happy Ending Read Online Free PDF

explained everything to me. Last time, he was just trying to make an impression. I guess he thought I was going to be one of those Doris Day moms or something. This—” my mother made a sweeping gesture to direct my attention to the miniature fire hazards surrounding us “—this is the real him.”
    â€œEverything going okay here?” Tad asked as he placed some adorable little grape-leaf-wrapped mystery food on our plates.
    â€œNot really,” I said. “I’m kind of getting this X-Files vibe, except instead of turning into an alien or zombie, it seems you’ve morphed into the pre-Republican version of Sonny Bono.”
    The fine lines on mom’s forehead deepened. “The X-Files? ”
    â€œGet a television set,” I shot back impatiently.
    Tad offered me a tolerant smile. “I think somebody had a bad day at work.”
    â€œOr maybe she’s menstruating,” my mother offered. “Honey, it’s very important that we embrace the moods that are part of a woman’s cycle. If you need to scream, cry or howl at the moon, you do it.”
    What I wanted to do was give them both a whack upside the head. I took a steadying breath. Tad was trying to please my mother. So what? It was nice of him, irritating as hell, but nice. Time to offer an olive branch. “I’m not menstruating, Mom, but I did have a bad day at work. I’m sorry I snapped.”
    My mother gave me a knowing nod, clearly she was clinging to her menstruation idea.
    â€œNo need to apologize,” Tad said, although I hadn’t really been talking to him. He then turned to my mother. “April and I have news.”
    If I had been hesitant to make the announcement before, I was loathing the prospect now. A few hours ago I had been nervous about our engagement but at least I had been enthusiastic about Tad.
    â€œOh, me, too…” Mom put down the fork before it had a chance to touch her food. “And it’s big.”
    Now I was really scared. My mind raced to figure out what Mom was about to spring on me. I didn’t think she was pregnant; there were some mistakes even my mother refused to repeat. Nor was she going to confess to a lesbian love affair, because considering everything else she’d done in her life, that really wouldn’t be all that newsworthy. I squeezed my eyes closed. Please let it not be another commune .
    â€œI have found religion.”
    I opened one eye. “You’ve rediscovered Judaism?” I asked hopefully.
    Mom shook her head vigorously. “No, no, no. This is much more revolutionary than that. I now belong to the Temple of the Earth Goddess.”
    Maybe a commune wouldn’t be so bad. “Is this…temple…Does it require human sacrifices?”
    â€œDon’t be silly. It’s a new movement that started in Santa Cruz. We already have almost two hundred members in our congregation. You see, we Children of the Earth—that’s what we call ourselves—believe that all these so-called environmentalists have it wrong. It’s not about respecting the environment, it’s about worshipping it. We need to be kissing the ground we walk on and hugging the trees, not figuratively but literally. We have no right to kill the spiders that come into our homes. Every animal, insect and slug is part of the Earth Goddess’s holy creation. If an ant enters our home we should feed it, not smash it, or worse, spray it with an evil poison created by our oppressors.”
    â€œOur oppressors?”
    â€œProctor & Gamble.”
    â€œAll righty then.” I looked to Tad for support, but he was listening to her with an expression you would expect most people to wear while listening to a State of the Union address being delivered by a president they’d voted for. I placed both hands on the table and tried to center myself. “So let me get this straight. If you find an ant on your coffee table,