Sleep Talkin' Man Read Online Free PDF

years later, Adam has a very healthy sense of self. He’s secure in who he is and genuinely happy. But what does this all have to do with the sleep talking? Well, it turns out that many psychologists believe that, in the deepest layers of the mind, lots of the growing up and maturing that we all do doesn’t penetrate. So, somewhere in his subconscious must live child Adam. And perhaps, when adult Adam is asleep, when his conscious mind lets down its barriers, the sensitive, insecure Adam of his youth is left exposed. But now, in a playground all his own, he has the opportunity to do it all over again, as a guy who has the balls to stand up to anyone, who says what he wants, swipes whatever metaphorical hood ornaments he wants, who knows that he’s the best damn thing that ever walked the face of the earth. And you know what? If that helps my husband claim back some of the toughermoments of his childhood, I’m all for it. Because in those wee hours of the night, when STM appears, that triangle rings out as clear as day.

STM: MASTER OF
SELF-AFFIRMATION
     
10
“I’m the reason why there’s so many adjectives for awesome.”
9
“Well, let’s face it: I’m so good looking, even my bacteria are cute.”
8
“There’s only one thing that comes close to being as fantastic as me, and that’s my reflection.”
7
“Yeah, keep looking. It doesn’t get any better than this.”
6
“Here I am! Perfection on two legs.”
5
“I’m not just good. I’m lick-my-parts tingling kind of good.”
4
“It’s not blood that courses through my veins. It’s incrediblood!”
3
“I’m better than Superman. He’s just a cunt … in underpants.”
2
“I’m so magic, I puke rainbows and shit pixie dust.”
1
“If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then BEHOLD, BITCHES!”
    There was so much blood!
Oh, there must have been at least five llamas. Totally unprovoked attack by those puffins. I managed to clip their wings. This is llama turf.
    Not being able to do something could teach you a lot about yourself. Mmm-hmm.
Like what a fucking loser you are.
    Really? If you can pee that high, DEFINITELY join the fire brigade. Yah.
    Darling, with an ass as big as yours, innocent bystanders could get hurt!
    I am Mediterranean Man! Hear my cry:
TZATZIKIIIIIIiiiiiii and tremble with fear.
I will cut you with my throwing pita.
But not at three o’clock, ‘cause it’s siesta time. TZATZIKIIIIIIiiiiiii and away!
    Now I’m going to batter you to death with chicken drumsticks!
It’ll be really messy, but I’m going to enjoy every hour of it.
    Tiptoeing elephants? Come on guys, give it up. I can see you! You’re huge!
    Stand further away. You can’t possibly appreciate my greatness this close up.
    I’m like a god. Only, it’ll hurt more when I judge you.
    Listen: Some people play Scrabble.
Some people play chess.
You? You play turd puppets.
    Well that’s just great. Peanut butter in my crack. Goddamn it.
    I’ve written your epitaph. Yup.
I did it early. You wanna read it?
“Here you are, lying dead. Ha ha ha ha ha.”
    Hey, boobs! Stop staring at my face!
    Oh yes, I must have an enema.
And I’m going to keep what comes out, ‘cause it reminds me of you. I will take it home, dry it, make it into paper, and write your name on it as many times as possible, and frame it. Put it on my wall, and there it will remain. It will be my memory of you.
I may do it more than once, depending on what I’ve eaten.
    I need this like I need a second crucifixion.
    It’s growling. Shhh, it’s growling closer … It’s an angry thing, a big angry thing. It likes cabbage, though.
    I’m not waving at you. I’m just building up for the big fucking slap you’re gonna get.
    I could go find somebody who could surgically remove that stick from up your ass.
Or, you could just chill the fuck out, Batman.
Choose.
    Hey! You killed my velociraptor, dickhead.
That’s so unfair. You do realize how hard it is to find one of those ‘round here, don’t