Shopaholic & Baby Read Online Free PDF

me. Right toward my laptop.
    “Nothing!” I say quickly. “It’s just my bank statement….” I try to close the window I’m on, but it’s frozen. Damn.
    “Something wrong?” says Luke.
    “No!” I say, panicking slightly. “I mean…I’ll just shut the whole thing down!” I casually rip the power cord out of the back—but the screen is still powered up. The statement is there, in black and white.
    And Luke’s getting nearer. I’m really not sure I want him seeing this.
    “Let me have a go.” Luke reaches my chair. “Are you on the bank’s Web site?”
    “Er…kind of! Honestly, I wouldn’t bother….” I position my bump in front of the screen, but Luke is peering round me. He stares at the statement for a few disbelieving moments.
    “Becky,” he says at last. “Does that say ‘First Cooperative Bank of Namibia’?”
    “Er…yes.” I try to sound matter-of-fact. “I have a small online account there.”
    “In
Namibia
?”
    “They sent me an e-mail offering me very competitive rates,” I say a little defiantly. “It was a great opportunity.”
    “Do you respond to
every
e-mail you get, Becky?” Luke turns, incredulous. “Do you have a fine selection of Viagra substitutes too?”
    I knew he wouldn’t understand my brilliant new banking strategy.
    “Don’t get so stressy!” I say. “Why is it such a big deal where I bank? Commerce has gone global, you know, Luke. The old boundaries are gone. If you can get a good rate in Bangladesh, then—”
    “Bangladesh?”
    “Oh. Well…er…I’ve got a bank account there too. Just a tiny one,” I add quickly, looking at his expression.
    “Becky…” Luke seems to be having trouble taking all this in. “How many of these online bank accounts have you opened?”
    “Three,” I say after a pause. “About three.”
    He gives me a hard look. The trouble with husbands is, they get to know you too well.
    “OK then, fifteen,” I say in a rush.
    “And how many overdrafts?”
    “Fifteen.
What
?” I add defensively. “What’s the point of having a bank account if you don’t have an overdraft?”
    “Fifteen overdrafts?” Luke clutches his head in disbelief. “Becky…you
are
third world debt.”
    “I’m playing the global economy to my advantage!” I retort. “The Bank of Chad gave me a fifty-dollar bonus just for joining!”
    Luke’s so blinkered. So what if I have fifteen bank accounts? Everyone knows you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket.
    “You seem to forget, Luke,” I add in lofty tones, “I
am
a former financial journalist. I know all about money and investment. The bigger the risk, the bigger the profit, I think you’ll find.”
    Luke doesn’t look too impressed. “I’m aware of the principles of investment, thank you, Becky,” he says politely.
    “Well, then.” I suddenly have a thought. “We should invest the baby’s trust fund in Bangladesh too. We’d probably make a fortune!”
    “Are you
crazy
?” He stares at me.
    “Why not? It’s an emerging market!”
    “I don’t think so.” Luke rolls his eyes. “In fact, I’ve already spoken to Kenneth about the baby’s fund, and we’ve agreed to invest it in a range of secure unit trusts—”
    “Wait a minute!” I raise a hand. “What do you mean, you’ve spoken to Kenneth? What about
my
opinion?”
    I can’t believe they haven’t even consulted me! Like I don’t count. Like I didn’t used to be a financial expert on television and get hundreds of letters a week asking for advice.
    “Look, Becky.” Luke sighs. “Kenneth is very happy to recommend suitable investments. You don’t need to worry.”
    “That’s not the point!” I say indignantly. “Luke, you don’t understand. We’re going to be
parents
. We need to make all important decisions
together
. Otherwise our child will run around hitting us and we’ll end up hiding in the bedroom and never have sex again!”
    “What?”
    “It’s true! It’s on
Supernanny
!”
    Luke