SHIVER: 13 Sexy Tales of Humor and Horror Read Online Free PDF Page B

know any other woman who would be completely fine with not being able to see her boyfriend during the day. I’ve dated before. They all thought I was cheating on them. I couldn’t tell them I had to sleep. As in, had to. They’d think I was a freak. But you just accepted it, like it was nothing.”
    I’m confused. “Does your family know?”
    He smiles. “Yeah, Em. They’re like me too.” His smile turns to a grin. “We all got turned on the same night.”
    My mouth gapes. “No way . They all look so nor-” I spot the ginormous grin on his face and fade out. “What I mean to say is that I never would’ve been able to te-”
    His rough chuckle slides over me. “Go on, you can say it. We all look so normal .” He nods, “We know. That’s kind of the point.”
    Holy shit.
    Holy shit !
    This is real. I have a real live vampire in my house.
    Oh my God. I’ve been having sex with a vampire!
    Is that why it’s been so good?
    I have to dig further. “Whoa, wait! Do you have some sexual voodoo going on? Is that why the sex is so good? Because, if so, I’m not complaining.”
    He tips his head back and laughs. “No, Em. That’s just you and me. Believe me, I wish I could take credit. It’s just what you do to me.”
    A smile plays at my lips. “So what of the stories? Are they fact or myth? Super speed is obviously a tick but what about the other stuff. I didn’t know you could do the Spider-Man thing.”
    He sighs softly. “A lot of the stories aren’t true. In fact, it’s been rumoured that vampires started the stories to throw people off. As you know, I have a reflection. Holy water is just water to me. Hell, I’m catholic. I’m not evil. I eat and drink but don’t actually go to the toilet. I-”
    I cut him off in protest, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! What the heck do you do in the bathroom when you go in there? Sometimes you take forever!”
    He grins sheepishly. “Um. Candy Crush .”
    A surprised laugh bursts out of me. “Oh my God, that is funny!” I chuckle to myself and prompt him. “Okay, sorry. Tell me more.”
    “Yes, we have super speed. I can walk up walls but that is a trait only I have. Mom can move things with her mind. Dad can fly.” Holy cow! “We have extremely sensitive hearing and-”
    My stomach coils as my eyes almost pop out of my head. I jump up off the sofa and cover my mouth with my hand. “Oh no.”
    A look of alarm crosses Bastien’s face. “What is it, Em?”
    “Have you-” Oh God, I don’t want to ask but I have to know. I just have to! I whisper in horror, “Have you ever heard me fart?”
    He winces.
    I gasp as my face heats. “Oh my God, you have . This isn’t happening!”
    Bastien has the gall the smile. “Honey, you just found out I’m a vampire. And this is your main concern?”
    I sit on the edge of the sofa, face drawn. I talk to myself. “I’m no longer the perfect wife. Perfect wives don’t fart.”
    He takes my hand in his. “You are, Em. You are perfect to me.”
    I am so sad right now.
    This is my life, people.
    Bastien suddenly stands. “You want me to fart? ‘Cause I’ll do it. Right here, right now. I’ll tear a goddamn hole in my slacks if you want me to, princess!”
    I mumble a flat, “I’ve never heard you fart.” A thoughtful look crosses my face. “ Can you fart?”
    He tilts his head in thought. “I don’t even know. I think dust might come out of me.”
    Damn him. Damn him to heck for his funniness.
    I try to hide my smile but fail miserably. “You’re a dork.”
    I don’t even see him move but I’m suddenly lifted high in the air. Geez, he’s strong. He smiles up at me. “So, we’re okay?”
    My smile is soft and loving. “I love you, Bastien. It’ll take a little more than you being a vampire to change that.”
    He lowers me back to my feet. His lips come down on mine, feather soft. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m going to love you till forever.”
    I wrap my arms