Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) Read Online Free PDF

was out of desperation. 
Desperation to get out of the room, desperation to leave a situation I had no
answers for.  Alex came at me with a slew of questions I couldn’t explain.  Not
right now.  Flight or fight?  I chose flight. 
    “I’m sorry,
Alex.  I’m so sorry.”
    “I’m just so
fucking miserable.  I don’t know what I did to make you hate me so much.”
    I’m completely
destroyed by his words. 
    I’m unable to
speak when I turn around.  Clinging onto his forearm, Alex allows the silence and
with a simple nod grants me permission to cry into his shoulder.  Within
minutes, Alex pulls me away from his hard body, lifts my chin and pushes aside
the tears running down my cheeks.
    “I don’t hate
you, Alex.  I could never hate you.  Right now, it’s just not our time.  You
know this, just as much as I do.”  I hate that there are no truer words.  I
hate that I have no control right now over my own life, my own decisions.
    “Why does it
always feel like you’re talking out of fear instead of what you want?”
    “I don’t even
know what I want anymore,” I whisper.  Of course I want him, I just don’t want
the repercussions of us being together. 
    “So, you’re
saying you don’t even want me anymore?”
    “It’s never been
that I didn’t want you.  Since the moment we met, it’s been pretty obvious what
I want.”  Doesn’t he get it?  I know I haven’t given him anything to hope for,
but I wish he could be more patient.  I’m working towards getting a new job,
trying to get out of an uncontrollable situation.  For us.  
    “Life’s too
short to not say what we’re feeling; my grandmother is a prime example of
that.  So, regardless of how pissed I am at you right now,” Alex sighs, “I love
you.  You know that, right?”  I close my eyes as the tears relentlessly cascade
down my cheeks.  I know he still loves me, what he doesn’t understand is that I
still love him. 
    “I love you,
too,” I sigh, “But, I don’t want to hurt you.”  I clutch his bicep, fighting
the urge to say everything that I want to.  I want to tell him that in his arms
has been the first place I’ve felt safe in such an immeasurable length of
time.  I want to tell him that regardless of his past, it’s the future that I’m
terrified of. 
    But I don’t,
because I can’t.
    “You already
are,” he whispers in a strained voice.
    “Then let me
go.”  I choke on the words as they leave my lips.  I don’t want him to let me
go.  I want to live in his kisses and die in his embrace.  So I let Alex hold
me, but eventually his arms loosen.  He places a kiss on the crown of my head
while his arms drop to his sides.  
    I adjust my
dress and solemnly walk away from him once again.  I can’t look back.  If I do,
I don’t think I’ll be able to stay away.

C HAPTER 2
     
    Friday, November 16, 2012
    While I know
parking in “unchartered territory,” as Janice likes to call it, is probably not
the smartest move, I like it.  My unofficial-official assigned parking space is
tucked away between the second and third floor of the garage, away from lurking
V.P.’s and late night discussions between colleagues.
    The problem with
my self-declared parking space is that the word rape zone is practically
painted in bold letters, the darkness threatening to take over the dimly lit
lights.  With my newly acquired single status, it might be a while before
someone notices if something were to happen to me.  Regardless, I still park
here and probably always will. 
    Resigned to
letting my fate be all it can be, I check my makeup in the fold down mirror.  I
went minimal since I didn’t have a lot of time to get ready.  Not really giving
myself a chance to look how I know I should, I settled on putting my chocolate
brown hair back in a sleek ponytail, which goes well with my teardrop
earrings. 
    I’m about to
grab my purse and head inside when I’m startled by my passenger door opening