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couldn’t stay away?
    I thought about the last nine months.  When I left Harrington it wasn’t because I wanted to, it was because I needed to.  Whoever said that people go through stages of grief was a fucking moron.  It didn’t come in stages, every single emotion hits you all at one like a fucking hurricane: anger, guilt, shock, denial, bargaining.  All of them take over but acceptance.  That one takes a while.  The night of the accident I was a complete mess.  One minute I’m holding hands with the girl of my dreams and the next I’m standing next to my best friend’s dead body.  My initial reaction was to shut down.  I’d never been good at expressing my emotions, obviously, so I just paced around waiting for help to show up.  I watched as Alyssa crouched down, burying her head on her knees.  She kept looking up at me, waiting for me to comfort her, talk to her anything, but I remained in my head, trying to sort through my own feelings.  I was selfish and stupid.  I screwed up.  That’s why she didn’t want me around anymore.  I should have been there for her.  I should have stepped up and been the rock for her that Garrett had always been for the both of us.  
    Garrett had been there for me through some pretty rough times.  My parents weren’t bad people.  I loved them and they loved me, in the you’re my mom and dad, I’m your son kind of way, but they were in their own world, constantly on the move, never sticking around long enough for me to really have a meaningful relationship with them.  When they bought the bar in Harrington, I really thought we were laying down some roots, but as soon as my sister, Kelly, was old enough to look after me, they took off like a bullet from a gun.  Every few months, they’d come back to town and we’d have this big reunion.  Hugs and promises were tossed around and every time I got my hopes up that they were staying.  Then they’d get a call about some big motorcycle ride or an “opportunity that we can’t pass up,” as my dad would put it, and I’d be crushed.  I’d sit in my room for a few days, quietly processing the hurt and anger, until Garrett would show up and convince me that I wasn’t the reason they left. When I finally wised up and took them for what they were, loveable drifters, I quit letting myself get so attached and quit letting myself get emotionally beat up when they left.  That’s why I tried not to let myself get attached to people.  Kelly and Garrett were the only ones that I really let in.  They were the only ones who knew how damaged I truly was.   Turns out, the one thing I was doing to protect myself ended up being the one thing that cost me Alyssa.
     
     

Chapter 3
    Alyssa
     
    “Alyssa Boyd!” My mother’s rage was apparent the moment I walked through the front door.  I hesitantly entered the kitchen and saw her vigorously chopping tomatoes for the dinner she was preparing. I knew she’d heard about me walking out of the graduation rehearsal.
    “Mom.” I pulled up a chair and settle down behind the kitchen table.  I purposely selected the furthest seat from my mother in hopes that her by the time her words reached me they would feel less harsh. “Before you start, let me explain.”
    She used the large knife blade she was holding to scrape the now mangled bits of tomato pulp into her hand, before throwing them in the large pot behind her on the stove. “Let me explain, Alyssa.” She set the knife down and placed both hands on the island in the center of the kitchen, anchoring herself for the lecture she was about to deliver. “I understand that it’s hard for you to be in the gym, but you can’t keep putting your life on hold.”  My mother was not a warm and loving person, no matter how hard she may have tried.  I remember her putting on a show for the people at the funeral.  She’d put her arms around me and filled my ear with emotionally unattached words of condolence.  I think I