Shatner Rules Read Online Free PDF Page B

sonny—we get it.” It was the only thing I remember her saying for the entire journey.
    And I squealed to a halt in front of the temple, as the last worshipers were filing in. As the rabbi and his wife exited, he announced his hopes that I would one day enter rabbinical school, and we said our goodbyes.
    I was then a seventeen-year-old, alone in the city of Chicago for the first time, with no ride. Needless to say, my thoughts turned away from the theological and I went to explore.
    Where did I end up in the Windy City? Who knows? I’ve always avoided the traditional signposts.
    Throw away the map!
    When I first went to Broadway in 1956 with
Tamburlaine the Great
, starring Anthony Quayle and directed by my mentor, Tyrone Guthrie, I made a beeline for Forty-second and Broadway. It wasn’t what I thought it would be. I did not find my dreams there. My dreams would come true a few blocks away in Schubert Alley, a few blocks north at the Winter Garden Theater, a few blocks over at the Broadhurst, down at the Booth on Forty-fifth.
    When I first made the trip to Hollywood in 1958, I decided to take a car. (My first wife wouldn’t have appreciated the Burma-Shave thumb method.) And we drove straight to Hollywood and Vine. It was another spot on the map that led to disappointment. It was seedy, grimy. Was this where my Hollywood dreams were to come true?
    No, there were no studios at Hollywood and Vine, and I didn’t see any dancing girls at Forty-second and Broadway. We are led to believe these are such glamorous crossroads, and they are anything but. If you have to use a map, move away from the pinpoints and allow yourself a little more compass room, provided you haven’t thrown away your compass. The journey must be taken in individual moments. Enjoy the ride for the ride.
    What am I trying to say? Perhaps I should grab a marker and some pieces of cardboard.
    As you travel / Over hill and dale / Go get lost / But watch out for the ponytail!

QUIZ
    This simple quiz will test your understanding of the Shatner Rules so far. Please use pencil in case you need to erase.
     
    1. Would you like to take a quiz?
     
    Yes_____
    No_____

ANSWER KEY
    What part of “Say ‘yes’” don’t you understand? If you answered “yes,” please continue to the next page. If you answered “no,” then please go back to page 1, and start again. But enjoy again my roast barbs. I’m particularly proud of the Lisa Lampanelli one!

CHAPTER 5
RULE: Stay Hydrated
    O kay, they don’t all have to be funny. This one is important. Especially for an actor.
    I was on Broadway in the play
A
Shot in the Dark
in 1961, along with Julie Harris and Walter Matthau. It was a French farce that was later retooled as an Inspector Clouseau film for Peter Sellers. And by “retooled,” I mean “un-Shatnered.”
    The play was directed by the legendary director Harold Clurman, who became something of a legendary pain in the butt to me. He didn’t like my performance in the show, and always told me I was “playing the charm” rather than acting. What’s worse—he wouldn’t tell me what “playing the charm” actually meant.
    These kind of tensions make for rocky performances, and early in the run of the show, during previews, I “dried” on stage. What does that mean? It means, um . . . what does it mean . . . now . . . it, um . . . wait for it . . . it means, um . . .
RULE: Don’t Forget Your Lines!
    Again—not all these rules are jokes! Forgetting your lines is a terrifying thing for an actor. I was onstage, completely lost, and the only sound I could hear was the beating of my heart. And the sound of Harold Clurman in the audience, gasping in exasperation with me, rising up from his seat in the first row, and stomping all the way up the aisle in anger. At least his tantrum distracted the audience from the actor on stage who had drawn a lengthy and devastating blank.
    I might have been playing the charm, but I seemed unable to
turn