Shadow Read Online Free PDF

Jess’s
room like some kind of ghost, pale and lurking in dark corners.
    I remembered the day in July when Linda and Mom were having
coffee in our kitchen, Linda laughing nervously about empty-nest syndrome. “What
am I going to do with all my free time?” She was giggling. Mom had patted her
arm quietly as Linda babbled on.
    Mom could always see through people to the real story, see what
was really in someone’s heart, even if they didn’t know it themselves. It made
her a great journalist but a tough mother. She always knew when I was lying, so
there was no point in telling her anything but the truth. We talked over
everything instead, every dilemma that weighed on me, every drama that seemed
huge and crushing and mountainous.
    It was funny, looking back on it. Those troubles were
feather-light compared to losing Mom. This was the real mountain looming over
me, and now Mom wasn’t here to help me navigate it.
    But I would make it through, right? I was already better, a few
weeks dulling the sting of losing her.
    Lying to myself, of course. I was in pieces. What would Mom say
if she were here? Pat me on the arm, pour me another cup of tea. Talk to me , Katie. You can’t climb a mountain if you don’t look where you’re
going.
    Living with Linda was all right for a while. School started,
and everything was back to normal. At first my friends walked on eggshells
around the subject of Mom’s death, a few timid sorrys muttered nervously, like they were somehow killing her just
by saying it. But after a few weeks they moved on to the usual high school news,
who was dating whom, the chem teacher’s breakdown in class, the mystery graffiti
in the lunchroom. Only I was trapped in the past, some sort of time-warped
version of myself that couldn’t break free from the grief. Some days I took off
at lunch, tears rolling down my face all the way back to Linda’s. Friends
stopped calling to see if I wanted to do things. They knew I’d end up
blubbering, which is no fun, fair enough, but I couldn’t help myself. I felt
caged in, like I couldn’t grieve. How could I? My life was still in limbo, stuck
at a weird crossroads where the only way to go forward was to rip everything to
shreds again.
    I was stuck in this weird room of harsh red and black, the
ceiling sloping in like a tomb and shelves of books that weren’t mine.
    A room missing its girl. And a different girl in its place.
Like some kind of changeling.
    There was a polite knock on my door, followed by the handle
turning and creaking as Linda tiptoed in.
    “Hey, Katie,” she said with a forced smile. “Doing okay
today?”
    “Yeah,” I said. We were strangers, really, linked only because
of Mom. And yet she kept the smile on, even with me sitting on the bedspread
Jess had picked out, the room that was supposed to be empty for her visit back
from college this week.
    “You’re making yourself at home in Jess’s room, right?” she
said, her eyes falling on my suitcase still in the corner. “You might feel
better if you unpack, you know? Her dresser’s empty. And you know you can read
any of her books if you want, okay?”
    “Thanks,” I said. I’d peeked at her books my first week,
feeling like a bit of a snoop. All epic space adventures and murder mysteries.
Reading about space only made me feel confined; murder mysteries only filled my
thoughts with death. The redness of blood and the blackness of space, echoed by
the paint colors in her bedroom, stifling as they tried to absorb me and make me
fit.
    They couldn’t. I was just too different.
    “If you want me to move my stuff for Jess’s visit—” I started,
leaping to my feet like I was going to start clearing out right away. But all I
had was a small pile of books beside the bookshelf and my bulging suitcase in
the corner. It was kind of pathetic, really.
    “That’s okay.” Linda smiled. “You barely have anything to move.
And anyway, Jess will take the couch for now.”
    “But it’s her