Service with a Smile Read Online Free PDF Page B

eyes.’
    Seated
in the little bar round the corner, Lord Ickenham regarded his companion with
some concern.
    ‘Yes,’
he said. ‘I was right. You don’t look your usual bonny self. Very testing,
these Openings of Parliament. Usually I give them a miss, as no doubt you do.
What brought you up today?’
    ‘Connie
insisted.’
    ‘I
understand. There are, I should imagine, few finer right-and-left-hand
insisters than Lady Constance. Charming woman, of course.’
    ‘Connie?’
said Lord Emsworth, surprised.
    ‘Though
perhaps not everybody’s cup of tea,’ said Lord Ickenham, sensing the
incredulity in his companion’s voice. ‘But tell me, how is everything at Blandings
Castle? Jogging along nicely, I hope. I always look on that little shack of
yours as an earthly Paradise.’
    It was
not within Lord Emsworth’s power to laugh bitterly, but he uttered a bleating
sound which was as near as he could get to a bitter laugh. The description of Blandings
Castle as an earthly Paradise, with his sister Constance, the Duke, Lavender
Briggs, and the Church Lads’ Brigade running around loose there, struck him as
ironical. He mused for a space in silence.
    ‘I don’t
know what to do, Ickenham,’ he said, his sombre train of thought coming to its
terminus.
    ‘You
mean now? Have another.’
    ‘No,
no, thank you, really. It is very unusual for me to indulge in alcoholic
stimulant so early in the day. I was referring to conditions at Blandings
Castle.’
    ‘Not so
good?’
    ‘They
are appalling. I have a new secretary, the worst I have ever had. Worse than
Baxter.’
    ‘That
seems scarcely credible.’
    ‘I
assure you. A girl of the name of Briggs. She persecutes me.’
    ‘Get
rid of her.’
    ‘How
can I? Connie engaged her. And the Duke of Dun-stable is staying at the castle.’
    ‘What,
again?’
    ‘And
the Church Lads’ Brigade are camping in the park, yelling and squealing all the
time, and I am convinced that it was one of them who threw a roll at my top
hat.’
    ‘Your
top hat? When did you ever wear a top hat?’
    ‘It was
at the school treat. Connie always makes me wear a top hat at the school treat.
I went into the tent at teatime to see that everything was going along all
right, and as I was passing down the aisle between the tables, a boy threw a
crusty roll at my hat and knocked it off. Nothing will persuade me, Ickenham,
that the culprit was not one of the Church Lads.’
    ‘But
you have no evidence that would stand up in a court of law?’
    ‘Eh? No,
none.’
    ‘Too
bad. Well, the whole set-up sounds extraordinarily like Devil’s Island, and I
am not surprised that you find it difficult to keep the upper lip as stiff as
one likes to see upper lips.’ A strange light had come into Lord Ickenham’s
eyes. His nephew Pongo would have recognized it. It was the light which had so
often come into them when the other was suggesting that they embark on one of
their pleasant and instructive afternoons. ‘What you need, it seems to me,’ he
said, ‘is some rugged ally at your side, someone who will quell the secretary,
look Connie in the eye and make her wilt, take the Duke off your hands and
generally spread sweetness and light.’
    ‘Ah!’ said
Lord Emsworth with a sigh, as he allowed his mind to dwell on this utopian
picture.
    ‘Would
you like me to come to Blandings?’
    Lord Emsworth
started. His pince-nez, which always dropped off his nose when he was deeply
stirred, did an adagio dance at the end of their string.
    ‘Would
you?’
    ‘Nothing
would please me more. When do you return there?’
    ‘Tomorrow.
This is very good of you, Ickenham.’
    ‘Not at
all. We earls must stick together. There is just one thing. You won’t mind if I
bring a friend with me? I would not ask you, but he’s just back from Brazil and
would be rather lost in London without me.’
    ‘Brazil?
Do people live in Brazil!’
    ‘Frequently,
I believe. This chap has been there some years. He is connected with the