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pride? Not the staff. They don’t care if anyone’s being bullied. They’re just here to keep the patients in check and help them ‘improve’. So lately, I’ve resorted to defending myself instead.
    A woman in the lunchroom smirks at me while chatting with her friends. “I heard Lillith over here sucked off her imaginary boyfriend in the bathroom the other day.”
    The girls snigger and snort, pretending not to laugh. One of them circles her finger close to her temple.
    The women laugh as I stampede away from lunch, leaving my tray behind. One of the staff members grabs my arms as I try to walk out the door. It’s the same lady who wanted me to take a shower the other day.
    “Where are you going?”
    “To my room.”
    “I’m sorry, but lunch isn’t over yet. You know the rules.”
    “Screw the rules.”
    “Are you going to behave like this the entire week, Miss Carrigan?”
    “If I must.” I look the woman dead in the eye, making this a staring contest. She knows exactly what I’m talking about, and yet she denies me the right to defend my own honor. The staff knows I’m being made a fool of among other patients, but they do nothing about it. It sickens me.
    With trouble, she releases her grip on me. “Fine. If you’re so intent on alienating yourself from the group, go do it. I warned you that if you do not do your best to fit in, this will not be easy. The more you resist, the longer you struggle, the longer it’ll take to get out of here. Just so you know.” She squints at me, but I ignore her self-righteous taunt and walk past her with my head held up high.
    In here, I’m not treated like an equal. In here, I cannot decide what I do; instead, my life is governed by women who feel the need to belittle me and make me think I’m insane.
    I am not crazy. I refuse to agree with their point of view. I will not waver.
    I will get out of here, one way or the other.
    I walk through the corridors, not knowing where I’m going, but anywhere is better than here. Suddenly, I think about Ashley, and how much I miss having her by my side. She would have told them off. She was the best friend to me, and I did something … or I didn’t …. and now everything between us is ruined.
    How in the world did we end up this way?
    Without thinking about it, I make my way to the hallway where her room is. It feels like I’m in some sort of trance, being pulled like a magnet toward the one thing in this facility that knows why I’m here. The closer I get, the slower I walk. My breathing picks up. I can’t believe I’m so frightened of someone I used to know so well. I wish it could all go back to the way it used to be. Us, talking, like real friends do, instead of yelling at each other. Maybe, if the staff are not escorting me, she’ll be more willing to talk.
    Before I know it, I’m there. Right in front of her. Fate has brought me here, and I must face it with courage. I stand in front of her door, staring into the little window, until her eyes spot me. Like a wolf, she bares her teeth and runs for the door.
    “Bitch!”
    I cling to the door to prevent myself from stepping back and walking away. I need to face her.
    “Ashley …” I murmur, as I place my hand on the glass.
    “Fuck you!” She spits at the window, causing me to retract my hand.
    “I’m sorry.”
    “Sorry doesn’t cut it.”
    “I don’t know what else I can do.”
    “Of course, you fucking know. You didn’t tell them what happened, that’s what’s wrong,” she growls. “Liar! You stood there, watched everything happen, and you did nothing . NOTHING! You’re everything that’s wrong with this world!”
    “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” Tears well up in my eyes.
    “Sorry doesn’t do shit!” she yells. “Tell them! They don’t fucking believe me. They think I’m insane. Well, guess what? It’s all a fucking LIE. I need proof, and you are the only one who knows where it is.” She taps on the window incessantly, as if it