Secrecy Read Online Free PDF

Terrible questions and terrible answers, such as:
Does this mean that you are never coming home? And if not, what is to happen to me?
Why have you done this to us?
    I need to get through this day, Charlotte thought. But he had just better not come back here. About that she was resolute. He had better not.
    And he did not. And the day passed, somehow.
    They stood together at the airport waiting for Charlotte to board. Elena felt naked, as in some horrid dream in which you discover that you have gone out with nothing on but your bathrobe and it’s too late to go home for some clothes.
    That so much pain should come from such trivia. A lightweight, insignificant fool like Judd. And I have broken her ignorant little heart. She looks dreadful, with dull eyes and dark blue rings beneath them, not pretty at all today, not the way a young girl should appear so that boys will turn and look at her with that quick curiosity they have.
    What shall I say to her? Shall I explain that I’m really not the kind of woman who cheats on her husband in the afternoon, comes home with a cheerful face, eats dinner with him, and tolerates his bed? That’s not me. I’m really not that kind of woman.What kind am I, then? And is this something that can be discussed with a girl of fourteen?
    Charlotte had not asked her when she was coming home, or more significantly, whether she was. For the last few weeks when she talked to Bill, he had not asked her either. He was probably, as she was, waiting for their situation to resolve itself. And that made sense. Things always did get either better or worse. They seldom stayed the same. The thought of going back was deadening in a way. And yet the possibility of not going back was chilling in another way.
    So now they stood together unspeaking, observing the crowds, the people greeting and parting. There was always so much emotion in airports.
    All at once it was time for Charlotte to board. And all at once, impelled by some wave of despairing, painful love, they threw their arms around each other.
    “Good-bye, Mama.”
    “Good-bye, darling. Take care of yourself.”
    In the passing of a moment Charlotte’s ponytail and backpack moved out of sight.

FOUR
    “S he looks peaked,” Emmabrown observed when, after dinner, Charlotte went upstairs to unpack her suitcase. “Seems to me she didn’t have such a good time down there.”
    “She’s probably just tired from the trip,” Bill said, not quite believing it.
    Emmabrown saw everything and was usually right. Besides, he had not been happy with the nuggets of information that, on the long ride from the airport, had dropped out of Charlotte’s conversation. Or had he himself dug them out? Or had they simply revealed themselves in the ordinary course of conversation?
    “… the day we drove down Alligator Alley. I was hoping there would be alligators, but there weren’t any, and Mama fell asleep.”
    “Fell asleep? Who was driving?”
    “Judd. He’s one of her friends. I told you.”
    “Oh, yes. I remember you mentioned the name.”
    Elena, too, had done her part to confuse him. During those telephone discussions about his coming to Florida or her coming home, she had, in one of her chatty moods, run through a string of names, “delightful people, so natural, so casual.” It was all casual, even her airy, light account of it was casual.
    But was he perhaps foul-minded to think otherwise of Elena? She had never given him reason to have any serious suspicions. On the other hand, she might well be acting the fool.
    She was a passionate woman, little changed after all their years together. Still, a nasty squabble had a way of pouring cold water on desire, and they had for a long time been having far too many of them.
    If indeed there is anyone, he thought now, examining himself and with some astonishment concluding, I will not feel the rage and pain that I would have felt only a few years ago. I will not be torn with grief. I will have only a deep,