Running: The Autobiography Read Online Free PDF

obvious from day one. I’ve always been obsessive about practising. There’s nothing unusual about that – Steve Davis once said he overpractised when he was at his peak, but if he didn’t he felt guilty. If you didn’t practise you felt guilty, and if you felt guilty you didn’t play well. Daft, I know, but that’s how it works. It’s difficult enough to make any relationship work, but so much more so when you are on the road for so much of your life. I couldn’t blame Jo for getting frustrated, but nor could I change my lifestyle unless I gave up snooker.
    At the time, running was a huge help. It would clear my head. I was running well then, and keeping records of my progress. I was flying back then. And the running was holding me together. I learnt how to manage family, conflict and snooker as best as I could. I decided the best thing to do was move out of home three days before a tournament started, so by the time I got to the tournament I was clear-headed for the first round.
    I was running away. I knew that was the only way to manage my career, and that I had to keep playing snooker. I wanted to be there as much as I could with the children and as a family man, but in my mind the most important thing was that I went to work and did as well as I could just to support my family.
    My relationship with Jo broke down and I began to feel useless as a dad. There came a time when even running couldn’t sort out my mind. I felt defeated. I wanted to be at home with my family, I wanted to be able to go to work; I was in a fortunateposition and I should have been enjoying all those things, but it just wasn’t happening.
    Ever since I was a kid it had been instilled in me that you have to give your everything to your job, and my job was snooker. So the idea that I could only enjoy the family side of life if I gave up on the professional side was always going to be something I struggled with.
    I was putting off the inevitable, which was that we would split up. I just thought if I stuck around, saw through the bad times, things would turn around. With Taylor I felt I’d done the wrong thing. I wished I’d been part of her life, and there was guilt there. I didn’t want to break a family up. I always remember when I was younger and Mum and Dad would have an argument and he’d go away for four or five days and then he’d pick me up on Saturday to go to football. I’d always be crying, knowing that I wasn’t going to see him for a week or so. I didn’t want to put my family through that, too. In my heart I just wanted to be there and not separate the family.
    Anytime I wasn’t playing snooker I wanted to do something with Lily. Sometimes I’d take her over to the cross-country races. I’d wrap her up, keep her nice and warm, put her in the pram and off we’d go. I expected that would be how it panned out – when I was playing Jo would look after the kids; when I wasn’t I assumed I’d come in and take over. Even though in lots of ways the life of a sportsman is uncompromising and inflexible, in other ways there are huge pluses. If you’re working a regular nine to five you’re not going to be able to call for the kids from school, but in my job there was plenty of opportunity for stuff like that.
    The first two months after Lily was born were great. We were both ecstatic about having a baby, but it wasn’t long before it went sour again and we were living separate lives. Then Jotold me she was pregnant again, and I was delighted. I thought another kid would help us and I’d always wanted two anyway.
    Eighteen months after Lily was born little Ronnie came along. His was a natural birth, and it seemed to go on for ever and ever. He was born at Harlow hospital. When I was there for Lily’s birth, the feeling was unbelievable; ecstatic, shared, beautiful. I’d not been there for the birth of Taylor, so this was the first time I’d seen it. By the time little Ronnie was born, I was more prepared for it; I’d