that?â
Simpson didnât answer. He just looked at me. He looked terrible. His face was purple and he had rope burns on his neck.
I got up. I looked at him for a while. He didnât move. It looked bad. I felt faint. Then I got myself together. I inhaled deeply and walked up the driveway. It was about four in the afternoon. I began walking. I walked down to the boulevard and then I kept walking. I had thoughts. I felt as if my life was over. Simpson had always been a loner. Probably lonely. He never mixed with us other guys. He was strange that way. Maybe thatâs what bothered us about him. Yet, there was something nice about him anyhow. I felt as if I had done something very bad and yet in another way, I didnât. Mostly I just had this vacant feeling and it was centered in my stomach. I walked and I walked. I walked down to the highway and back. My shoes really hurt my feet. My parents always bought me cheap shoes. They looked good for maybe a week or so, then the leather cracked and the nails started coming through the soles. I kept walking anyhow.
When I got back to the driveway it was almost evening. I walked slowly down the driveway and into the backyard. Simpson wasnât there. And the rope was gone. Maybe he was dead. Maybe he was somewhere else. I looked around.
My fatherâs face was framed in the screen door.
âCome in here,â he said.
I walked up the porch steps and past him.
âYour mother isnât home yet. And thatâs good. Go to the bedroom. I want to have a little talk with you.â
I walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at my cheap shoes. My father was a big man, six feet two-and-one-half. He had a big head, and eyes that hung there under bushy eyebrows. His lips were thick and he had big ears. He was mean without even trying.
âWhere ya been?â he asked.
âWalking.â
âWalking. Why?â
âI like to walk.â
âSince when?â
âSince today.â
There was a long silence. Then he spoke again.
âWhat happened in our backyard today?â
âIs he dead?â
âWho?â
âI warned him not to talk. If he talked, then heâs not dead.â
âNo, heâs not dead. And his parents were going to call the police. I had to talk to them a long time in order to get them not to do that. If they had called the police, it would have killed your mother! Do you know that?â
I didnât answer.
âIt would have killed your mother, do you know that?â
I didnât answer.
âI had to pay them to be quiet. Plus, Iâm going to have to pay the medical bills. Iâm going to give you the beating of your life! Iâm going to cure you! Iâm not going to raise a son who is not fit for human society!â
He stood there in the doorway, not moving. I looked at his eyes under those eyebrows, at that big body.
âI want the police,â I said. âI donât want you. Give me the police.â
He moved slowly toward me.
âThe police donât understand people like you.â
I got up from the bed and doubled my fists.
âCome on,â I said, âIâll fight you!â
He was upon me with a rush. There was a blinding flash of light and a blow so hard that I really didnât feel it. I was on the floor. I got up.
âYou better kill me,â I said, âbecause when I get big enough Iâm going to kill you!â
The next blow rolled me under the bed. It seemed like a good place to be. I looked up at the springs and I had never seen anything as friendly and wonderful as those springs up there. Then I laughed, it was a panicked laugh but I laughed, and I laughed because the thought came to me that maybe Simpson had fucked a little girl under my house.
âWhat the hell are you laughing at?â my father screamed. âYou are surely the Son of Satan , you are not my son!â
I saw his big hand