Roadkill TUEBL Edition Read Online Free PDF Page B

about this myself." The Raccoon
spoke dreamily, lost in thought. "He probably had a point, saying we ought
to at least try to figure our situation out. So if we were people, human
beings, presumably we've died before, in order to end up as animals."
    "I always thought that when you died you either went to
Heaven or Hell," the Skunk thought out loud. "I never believed in
reincarnation."
    "Then you must've been religious," the Raccoon
answered, "specifically subscribing to some sort of Judeo-Christian
belief."
    "You know," said the Possum, "I don't know if
I've ever been very religious one way or another. But when you stop and think
about it, he was right...this whole thing is strangely anticlimactic. I mean,
ceasing to exist is one thing. Heaven, Hell, reincarnation, all of those seem
like appropriately fitting ends, though not all of them are pleasant ones, of
course. Heck, even being a ghost has a sort of mystique to it, at least in
theory. Yet here we are, no different than the hundreds of people who go
through this drive-through every day, going out for burgers. We haven't even
haunted anyone."
    "I thought ghosts only haunted people when they had
unfinished business," the Skunk mused.
    "Maybe we have unfinished business?" the Raccoon
pondered.
    "But we can't remember anything!" the Skunk said
with frustration. "How are we supposed to know if we have unfinished
business or not?"
    "It is quite the quandary," the Raccoon agreed.
    "I don't give a crap about unfinished business,"
the Possum spoke defiantly. "Who wants to be tied to the past? I want to
live in the moment, in the NOW...which, I guess, I am. Still, it'd be nice to
have something else to do after we finish eating."
    "This isn't eating," argued the Skunk, "this
is force-feeding ourselves garbage so that we don't cease to exist."
    "Exactly," said the Possum, "eating."
    At that moment, the Dog appeared from around the corner of
the building, proudly displaying the Stubby Burger clutched in his mouth. The
other three gathered around him excitedly, as he gingerly laid the food down on
the ground and nudged off the wrapping paper with his paws and nose.
    "Behold!" declared the Possum. "The
Grail!"
    "The what?!" The Skunk was confused.
    The Dog spoke, ignoring the Skunk's perplexed expression.
    "I think that you two should split it." He pointed
to the Skunk and the Possum.
    "What about me?" asked the Raccoon.
    "They ate the most of that ghost food," the Dog
explained, "so they need this more than we do, to counter-act the
effects."
    "But you should have it!" protested the Skunk,
"You worked so hard to get it!"
    "I already had one, and besides, I'll go back for
more."
    "We'll help next time," the Possum spoke
reassuringly.
    "Don't worry about it. It's easier if just one of us
sneaks in, anyway." The Dog was quite confident.
    "Well then," declared the Raccoon, "since I'm
the only one of us with decent dexterity, I will do the honors of dividing it
for you." Using a nearby tin can lid, the Raccoon cut the burger in half.
    "You should have a little piece of it, too," said
the Skunk.
    The Raccoon looked to the Dog. Both of them then looked to
the Possum, who was busy staring at the burger with a ravenous glare. Finally,
he noticed them, and spoke begrudgingly.
    "Oh, go ahead. It's only fair." He paused, before
muttering under his breath, "I guess."
    " Yay !" exclaimed the Skunk.
    The Raccoon tore off a small piece from each half of the
burger and began passing them around, giving the Raccoon and Skunk the larger
pieces.
    "This kind of feels like Holy Communion..." mused
the Skunk, "breaking the bread and everything."
    "It's a shame we don't have any wine to go with
it," quipped the Possum.
    The Raccoon shuddered at the thought of drinking wine with a
Stubby Burger. Shaking off his disgust, he gave the final bit of the burger to
the Dog, and then held his own piece up high, as if giving a toast.
    "To good health," he proclaimed, "in mind and
spirit, if not body!"
    "To living it